So I’m back to normality pretty much, but wondering what I should be doing now. I use that word, “should”, a lot in relation to myself when I’m bored. I know it is a form of complaining.
I am happy the way I live, but I wonder about other ways, all the different things I could be doing with my life.
There are infinite things one could do, and I can’t seem to put any effort into any of them, except expressing myself on the internet and talking to my friends and family, oh and using my mind to contemplate the world and reality.
Yesterday I felt certain that all of this had practically zero value, that I neither wanted nor required by society.
In truth, this is always at the back of my mind, and one of the main reasons I keep asking myself what I “should” be doing.
I haven’t been following my study program the last two days owing to lack of sleep and delusions, my maths paper is on hold, and I’ve been buying yet more things, though keeping to my budget of around £5 on food per day.
I want to resurrect my grandparents and aunt (mother’s sister). I am convinced it can be done after experiencing the brief resurrection of a saint.
It is strange. I had read that the meta-physical body which is said to continue after death is connected to the physical body by a cable, much like a computer is connected to the power grid.
I tried to manifest reconnecting the cable of the dead saint, and lo and behold, saw a live video of him alive and well. I didn’t stay in that reality long, as the cable that connected my computer to the power supply broke mysteriously for no reason, and I couldn’t keep up with the videos. When I finally got back online, I was back in a reality in which the saint was dead.
Now of course most people would say that it was my delusion that I saw him alive and well, but delusions are real to the person experiencing them. All realities exist, though we only ever see them partially, and they are never complete.
I myself, with some distance from the event, am doubting it now. But why? Because I have returned to the reality in which he is dead. I find it strange that my computer cable broke after I manifested the fixing of his meta-physical cable to his body resurrecting him, so I could not continue to follow him in his awoken state.
As I said, I would like to resurrect my grandparents and aunt. That is harder to conceive of because whilst with the saint, his followers were saying that the body hadn’t deteriorated, as is the documented case with many saints after death, my grandparents and aunt have been cremated.
I will do it though, I will meet them again, in this life or the next, of that I’m sure. I’m going to start with trying to contact them with a Ouija board, but I have to get one first, and I want to read about how to use them safely.
Many poets, since W.B. Yeats first pioneered its use, have used the Ouija board, so I know it can be safe, but there are also dangers, particularly for a schizophrenic.
Some people believe I am related to W.B. Yeats, so it may be in the family tradition.
Anyway, that’s my thoughts for the moment,
Thank you.