I’ve been doing some thinking and meditating. What if the voices and hallucinations are just a sort of deeply subconscious or spiritual defense that your mind puts up when your psyche or something about who you are becomes seriously wrong?
Schizophrenia literally means split mind, and it’s interesting because a theme that comes up a lot for me is not being “home”. I spent a lot of time wondering what home is, but I think I’ve realized that the home they are referring to is within the body, within who you are. I was trying to talk to me voices tonight and it led me to believe they are really me, or a part of me that has split off from myself and has literally left the me that is writing this. I haven’t truly felt like myself since the onset of my illness, maybe it is literally a split mind. This has come up many times, but I’m tearing up a bit because maybe this is the true cause of schizophrenia, maybe we have just lost ourselves, possibly through lies, or through not being true to ourselves. I think we are all just varying degrees of lost, and no medication is going to completely fix that.
I wonder how much of our problems with reality might be caused by the brain itself as it unfolds or kinks up like a fat muscle.
Those glitches tend to work themselves out like a muscle cramp- in time.
And again I have to wonder if those brain glitches are caused by something as simple as an ingredient in our diet that either builds up as we consume our favorite treat, or maybe an allergy to an ingredient that, as I’m all to aware of can change your personality and weight, in a matter of hours.
I think allergies are far to understudied when it comes to behavior problems.
In time, science will catch on, but not in enough time to help me.
Honestly yeah my hypothesis has a few holes in it. I didn’t address Prenatal issues nor diet. I was reading the post about genius and connections and how schizophrenics seem to make more connections, wether true or false, and it made me think for a while. That’s true though, about the allergy thing, like how it usually takes millions of years for species to go through a genetic adaption and how food has changed so much in as little as a thousand years.
I was a bit weird, but far from schizophrenic until I started smoking weed however. I like the thing you said about a cramp that needs to work itself out.
This has the ring of truth to it, and I have to agree with the separating of the mind, because my SZ took a turn for the worse when someone too close to me was playing very cruel mind games in the hopes that I’d leave him, but outwardly denying everything to all that would listen, and me too.
I knew in my heart the truth, and tried to leave many times, even to the point of serious suicide attempts ( almost made it) but, it was he who would drive me to the ER and ‘save’ me (from himself?).
Forced into repressing what I knew and believed, and pretending that the only problem, was me, I couldn’t, and it showed up in some very odd coping skills that I pulled from a pretty hard childhood.
My behavior was constantly referred to as ‘non-congruient’ with my situation, but it was all I could do not to implode.
Even today when the truth has been proven, a bully denies the responsibility and deflects the situation with insinuations, that are, well, basically not true.
Go figure, my behavior fit the situation in my head, and it’s just sad that others could, wouldn’t accept the truth that was real.