I am asking for a little bit of advice to get me started. Two months ago I became engaged to Carl. We had known each other as friends for two years before we started dating. I have a heavy history of abuse in my background and wanted to go slow. It was our plan to move in together in November and get married in two years or so. Carl is a amputee from his time in Afghanistan as a marine. He has always been opinionated and likes to throw the line “just tow the line”.
Well Carl hurt himself attaching the prosthesis to his right leg. It cut the skin and muscle and needed 27 stitches. He was told he couldn’t wear the prosthesis until six weeks passed and stay off his feet. He couldn’t do for himself so I had him move in so I could take care of him.
His mood became dark. He became obsessed with watching Dr. Who. I said something about his watching it 16 hours a day. Carl became angry and punched me in the chest. I immediately grabbed my cell and ran and locked me in the bathroom called his friend and told him to come get him out of my apartment.
The next day he sent me roses and my engagement ring back and said it would never happen again. I told him I didn’t think I could forgive him and give me a week to think. We agreed to meet at a restaurant and talk.
I told him I loved him but I was going to need more than his words and flowers to believe him. He became enraged grabbed a fork off the table and stabbed me in the arm and said you either marry me or I’ll kill you. He began beating me with one of his crutches.
The cops came. He was arrested. It’s over.
Now I can’t even move. I have no energy. House is a mess. Not taking care of myself. Not sleeping having nightmares. Voices are screaming they are so loud. Can’t read or concentrate. I’m hurting and I don’t know how to heal.
Do you have family that you can tell all this to?
It might feel good to just get a “release” by talking this over IRL with someone. It’s not good to sit alone and stew over this whole mess by yourself. In AA they say, “A problem shared, is a problem halved.”
Wow! You’ve just been through a lot. Sounds a little like you’re going through a grieving process - you had this image in your mind of your lives together, and he threw this unbelievable curve ball at you. It has shattered the illusion you had of him, and now you’re having trouble even doing the simple things. I can’t say what exactly you should do, as i’ve never been through this sort of thing myself. All i can do is offer you some support. Don’t ever get back into a relationship with that man. I know you said it was over, but i’ve seen it before - a violent situation happens, the man is apprehended, the woman feels gutted, man apologies and the woman forgives him thinking that this time it will be different. Then the whole cycle repeats itself again. I think you should take baby steps seeing as you’re getting over such a loss and horrifying event. Maybe doing a to do list with a few basic tasks you need to tick off for that day - such as doing the laundry, vacuuming the floor, cleaning the kitchen, etc. I would also do something to spoil yourself. Do something you enjoy that is also kind to yourself - such as going and getting a massage or treat yourself to a nice meal out somewhere. If you don’t want to do it alone, you could invite your friends or family to support you. Talk about how you are feeling to your friends/family and draw on their support if you can. If you are still really struggling, maybe a catch up with your doctor to see if you can get some sessions with a counsellor who can help you through this. Either way, look after yourself.
You just might have to feel bad for awhile until you come to terms with the whole situation. Maybe find something to do to distract yourself from thinking about this.
@Sezbot241 that’s exactly what I am talking about. I’m pretty bruised and broken but I am starting to move around on my own. I will try the to-do list. Maybe something small like two or three things. I think that @77nick77 is right I am going to feel lousy for a while.