not really. more less feel like im just existing. but that feeling comes and goes it seems
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I have friends. They think Iām normal. I am not happy. I feel alone. I am surrounded by people who smile and engage with me and I am still alone. Sometimes contentedness starts when youāre alone and can learn to love yourself as you are. I have not learned to love myself as I am. I pretend to be a normal. Normals interact with me happily but I am not happy inside.
I donāt tell friends/outsiders to the mental health system that I am sz. I conceal it, thanks to meds and good acting chops. It is lonely out here, too, in society with normals. I, too, feel alone because nobody knows the paranoid sz I am deep down. You are not alone, though, none of us are! Weāre here for a reason, to support each other. 
Cheers!
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Yes, we all have commonalities on this message board. I canāt imagine a worse diseaseā¦ at least with a physical problem you can achieve mental peaceā¦
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Yes and no. I have things that make me happy and things that make me unhappy.
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Thank you. I donāt even know why Iām so depressed. I already spent like 3 years trying to get it together, while taking only one class at a time for two years, and I still feel like falling into pieces. Iām just so sick of life. Even when I think about a positive future, it still doesnāt change how I feel. Iām too afraid of driving new places, so Iāll probably be a work from home bookkeeper, and buy one of those self driving cars as soon as I can afford one. Iāve given marriage a lot of thought and I donāt think I could handle it, even if the meds keep working and everything. Iāll probably just live with my parents for the next couple of decades until they pass away, and then live with one of my siblings.
isnt a mental problem a pshysical problemā¦ neurons Firing in all directions or to none regions
and such?
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I am more or less happy at the moment. I can identify with what youāre feeling. It takes time Crimby gave excellent advice. Go for a walk. As far as your sister, she sounds very supportive. It may be difficult for her to discuss your feelings. Try not to beat yourself up too much about it. Without a doubt, mental illness carries a stigma. It is like our minds work on overtime but often we do not function well when it comes to listening. I do believe it has something to do with intelligence quotient at the risk of sounding like a braggart. (I thought that was a little funny.) Hallucinations become difficult to deal with. After having hallucinations, many people think weāre always out of touch with reality. My advice is do not beat yourself too much over the stigma of mental illness. Without a doubt reading the news articles becomes difficult.
Yes, Iām happy but painfully. Iām very alone. I got finished being treated according to the stigma of my psychological condition - sz, the way my family excluded me from important functions, keeping me from even meeting my nephew because Iām mentally ill, even though Iāve never been dangerous to anyone and have no criminal record at all. And how predators would figure out how easily they could confuse me and trick me out of whatever I had that they wanted to take from me. I put all of my family out of my life for good, and dispensed with a real thief, once I had him cornered in his crime. Being sz is no reason to allow others to walk on me again and again. But I did just that for a long time because I didnāt trust my own mind.
But after receiving quality therapy and good meds, I gathered the courage to make my stand against this sleazy behavior on the part of those who claimed to care the most. The truth is I was treated with less decency than the family pet which is never invited to the dinner table. Who really has the problem? My nervous system is disordered by nature, but where was their compassion? They showed me none.
So yes, I am happy now that Iām free from that ugly stigma, that was being wielded by the scumbags nearest me. I know Iām expressing anger too in this message. I donāt think, given the circumstances, that my anger is inappropriate. I donāt accept the excuse that others simply canāt understand sz, and that this gives them license to do terrible things to us. A study done at Northwestern University in Illinois in 2005 showed that people with severe mental illnesses like sz are at least 11 times more likely to be the victims of violent crime. I suggest we are also more likely to be victims of other kinds of nastiness as well. A lack of understanding is no excuse.
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I have my partner, my lizard and I talk to my mom everyday. I have friends on here too. So iām not really lonely
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You and your lizard talk to your Mom everyday? lol!
Have you tried an antidepressant?
Thatās true but for labelling purposes one is generally considered mental if it causes psychological distress and physical if it concerns just the body. Good point though!
Hi, I agreeā¦ sometimes being intelligent about matters can cause overthinking common in mental illness. Iām only concerned about stigma because I care about how other people perceive me. Why do you think my sister is supportive? She has four children to manage, lives four hours away and we donāt speak!
I am pretty happy. It will be my birthday soon and I canāt think of anything to ask. There is no one I resent, I seem to have people in my life that either care, in which case I am thankful, or donāt care, in which case I donāt care either. But no one that is after me, doing me wrong, trying to hurt me. Thankfully, because that would resemble my paranoid episodes too much for comfort.
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Sometimes i just forget about all the ā ā ā ā that happend to me during my entire life and pretend as if it doesnt matter for a day or two. but after a while i get caught up in ārealityā again. sadly one cant do away with his past as to make a better future.
Sorry to hear that. I read an article after searching through Google and it was about DNA research into the genetic link to schizophrenia. Apparently there has been a lot of testing and the scientists have been unable to find any outstanding genetic factor which leads to the experience of schizophreniaā¦ which suggests at this point that schizophrenia is not hereditary or due to problem DNA but rather due to lifestyle causesā¦ I think this may be true having suffered considerable stress in my teenage years. Best thing is to feel hope for the future if possible.
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thanks but i have heard this phrase āhave hope in the futureā for like 1 year now (honestly). it doesnt really help as i am still in this weird āpsychoticā state of mind without any motivation to improve my life. you know these voices are like mental torture devices that give you false hope as to put you even further down into dispair and misery by not fullfiling the dreams i set in life. these dreams were nothing out of ordinary. finish business school, getting a girlfriend, joining military all this stuff was basically denied to me and now i have āfound outā that my voices i.e. god is responsible for all this ā ā ā ā that has happend. and he keeps making promises, i.e. the voices, that things will turn out good and that the schizophrenia will leave as it came to me (one late night with a burning on the forehead). i am still ā ā ā ā ā ā ā waiting for this experience to forget about the voices and move on in my wasted life but no i go to sleep nothing happens and i wake up to another day of fake promises. its like a devilish cycle of false hopes and dreams only meant to further put me into depression. and i cant really do anything to ānot listenā to the voices as they are in control of my mental state since they are god.
Sorryā¦ bring on better drugs I sayā¦
hail to that. but the weird thing is that the voices make promises to me about these things. however i do feel better sometimes. so its like some sort of limbo where the voices lie to you, you believe them and you do better and dont hear voices on one day, but on another day you hear them constantly again and are totally messed up with life and depressed.
overall i have improved.
though it isnt like the voices promise āwe will go away tonightā, no it takes alot of ā ā ā ā ā ā ā time until they quiet down and then after a week or so they re-appear again. the good thing is that i used to hear them constantly in the past. now i have these days, sometimes weeks, of āpause from voicesā.
i do wish their promises werent lies and they would go away completely in one moment, as they came.
Considering you have improved now having moments when you donāt hear them, if the trend continues then you should make a better recovery. I too have moments of mental freedom but as soon as Iām distressed and hallucinate I canāt think clearly.
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