Hello there, I am new to this site and to the idea of potentially having Schizophrenia or related conditions. Please forgive me if I do anything wrong or put this in the wrong category – I’m still getting used to this site. I wanted to ask a community of people who would know far more about this than I, if it sounds like what I am experiencing are delusions. I have written notes of other symptoms too, but I will just start by asking if you think these sound like delusions:
I believe there are messages to me in songs, books, or people’s comments online
I believe I understand a lot more about the universe than others
I believe we are all one being experiencing itself in infinite lifeforms, so I also believe I am God (not from any particular religion) and all other beings simultaneously
I believe my thoughts create my reality
I believe I am not really here and this is all fake to an extent
I sometimes feel something is behind me or chasing me, causing me to run or shriek
I often think people are lying to me or skewing the truth
I believe my cat understands what I am saying
I believe all 4x4 and SUV drivers are tailgaters
I had many delusions during my first two relationships where I constantly monitored their online activities and stalked them. I’d turn up at their houses unannounced to catch them doing whatever I thought they were doing
I believe I am utterly useless and can’t do anything
I believe I ruin everything in my support person’s life
I believe I’ve said or done something wrong in every single social interaction I have
I also have some paranoid thoughts/behaviours which I will list below:
I think people are watching me or staring at me
I think my phone is listening to me and watching me, I sometimes place blu-tack over the camera. When not using my phone I always place the camera under something else like a pillow. I don’t let my phone camera see what I’m writing on paper. I get agitated when other people’s phone cameras face me. I’ve also permanently covered my laptop webcam in case I get hacked again
I worry someone will watch me through the gap in my curtain at night
I constantly think I will be in an accident or do something wrong while driving
I always look over my shoulder while walking
I check every car to see if it’s a police car while driving, particularly at night
Does any of this sound delusional? I recognise it could be considered such by other people, but I firmly believe these things despite any evidence showing me otherwise. I have also written notes about possible hallucinations, work related delusions/paranoia, disorganised thoughts and behaviours, and negative and cognitive symptoms. I’m not sure if it’s too much to put into one post but am happy to share if it’d shed more light. Thanks for your time!
Welcome to the forum! Glad you found us. It definitely sounds like you need to see a psychiatrist
A few tips on things that confuse newbies:
Cake day is the anniversary date of when you joined.
The 1515 or other numbers at the end of peoples posts are because there’s a 15 character minimum to post. So people put 15s after until they get to the minimum characters to post.
I don’t know but sounds like somethings could be just where logic takes you to wonder at and it becomes excessive? I’d stay away from psychiatrists and talk to private therapist’s who are intelligent firstly, if you find someone you’d prefer, enough to combat and pose questions that might alter your perceptions through considering differences in opinion.
Doubt really helped me when i was convinced something had to be true animatedly so. Philosophy can help as well. Sounds like grandiosity in some ways. But maybe thats just a difference in knowledge. I used to cover my computer cameras etc with blue tack. Etc. But im not surprised. Maybe your taking in information subconsciously that makes you feel paranoid. We do live in weird times with technologies growing and developing.
Stalking i don’t know what to say about. I mean thats not good at all. But you seem to recognise this by talking about it as a problem and contextualising your delusions. So maybe you have insight. I dont think you should necessarily go to hospital for thinking sonethings behind your curtain, watching or following you. Lots of build up of knowledge can create perceptions of things to fear. Can be just a hoot in the dark. We’re primed to be scared of the dark. At least some of us more so.
I just think psychistry can be a long dark road. So seek therapy first. As its safer i think. To explore whats going on more fully maybe. (Not against psychiatry at all.) Just we’re all different. So some thoughts to consider. Perhaps.
@Nimbus Thank you for your thoughts, I will look into possible therapists in my area. The stalking was definitely a problem and something I’m very ashamed of now (this was years ago while I was a teen). I am very interested in philosophy but I have to wonder if some of my discoveries have lead to how I think now, and I’m trying to figure out if what I think is problematic, in that it could be delusional. I’m not sure, thank you again though for your thoughts on the matter.
Welcome to the community. It’s up to a psychiatrist to say for sure if you’re experiencing delusions, but what you’re going through is pretty much the same as what a lot of people here are also living with. The sooner you get treatment for a mental illness generally the better the prognosis is.
@shutterbug Thank you, I will be sure to see someone about this soon. I just thought I’d run it past some people in case I’m overreacting, but you’re right, it’s up to a professional to say for sure.
Welcome to the community @Tito.
I would say I don’t know just like everyone else. It certainly sounds like you feel that these are abnormal thoughts which is a good thing, you have some dissonance or feel ego-dystonic about these thoughts. I don’t have an SZ dx, I pretty much have cyclical psychosis and my dx is BP1 with psychotic features. I never realize when I am delusional or things I have said or believed during the time. I usually figure things out when I am well and I read some of my past writings and think “wow, whoever wrote this ain’t right” when it was me that wrote it. Like others have said a good place to start is with a therapist. False beliefs are like a spectrum where one end is cognitive distortions, in the middle somewhere is ideology/ideas then delusions which you normally aren’t able to see for yourself until you aren’t having them (until you get experienced in recognizing them) and can remember them but we all have different experiences and I am not as experienced as others on this forum. This could be something that passes, something you could work through with therapy or it could be something that might get worse.
If you do get diagnosed with something you should know the medications are usually not very benign and there effectiveness is a crapshoot. For some people they work well, for some people they lessen symptoms, and for some people they don’t work at all. They also come with a high probability of serious side effects, a lot of us have side effects from our meds. Weight gain is probably the most common one, but other side effects include movement disorders, diabetes, cholesterol and triglyceride problems, sexual problems (low or high libido), etc…
No one explained any of this to me when I was diagnosed so I thought you should know. They put me in a mental health facility for 5 months and put me on a high dose of medication with lots of side effects.
@KevW Thank you for the info and welcome. I’m hoping it is something that will pass, but I’d like to get on top of it if it is something that will get worse.
@Headspark Thank you for your reply, I forgot to mention I have a diagnoses of Autism and am currently on antipsychotics anyway, which I believe is what they often give for Schizophrenia(?) I definitely noticed weight gain with some of them but have managed to mostly stay on top of that. Thank you for the warning all the same
I don’t think this is a false belief at all and as far as I know I’m not delusional at the moment. At least if you have an android phone and use Google Chrome. I don’t even have to do a google search for much anymore unless I want the answer immediately. I can have a conversation about something with my wife and the next day something to do with that conversation is in my Chrome feed the next morning. Alexa listens as well and knows what TV shows and commercials you are watching. The technology is there and it can be abused by others.
@KevW I get a similar thing where I talk about something around my phone and soon enough an ad comes up about that exact thing, even when I haven’t searched for it on my phone. I don’t have Alexa and probably never will because it creeps me out a bit haha. Thanks for your comment
We “used to have” both an Alexa and a Google Home. They were both free or we would have had neither. The Google thingy got on my bad side once. After that and along with the spying I will say that the Google Home is no longer with us…
Well the Alexa is still here. It hits the floor “accidentally” from time to time but it keeps surviving. My wife insists on keeping it. The Google felt good to destroy.
I would say that if you had just a couple of those thoughts and perceptions that you just might just have a few weird thoughts. But taken all together, yes, it seems like you’re delusional. But only a doctor is qualified to diagnosis you. Like another person said, those things that you wrote are often seen in diagnosed, delusional people. Having just a couple of those could be explained but having so many means you should see a professional.
