delusions????

so i’m 19 and i deal with psychosis (i don’t know if it’s schizophrenia or what so im jsut going with psychosis) and but i have a delusion that im being stalked (i don’t know if it is a delusion to be honest because it’s such a real possibility) and my mind has made me beleive that any attempt of trying to combat it or help myself is going to put me in danger. if i don’t beleive it is real and it turns out to be real than im just putting myself in even more danger. i can’t tell if the evidence i have is real or just hallucinations. but if i beleive its all jsut in my head im putting myself in danger. i’ve given myself a set of rules to follow to keep me safe, very dumb and probably useless rules but they make me feel safer. i’m always constantly aware of how i interact with others and how they interact with me and my surroundings. its always a question of “what if its them?” i trust no one and its ruined my relationships with people. i just feel so trapped. i hate saying that. i hate coming across as weak but that’s what i am. i feel like my whole situation is a matter of when rather than if. it’s a waiting game and i am exhaustingly tired of waiting for something that might not ( i hope not) happen. what do i do. how to i fix this. it’s so draining. i feel like if i go to the police and if it ends up being fake im putting my whole entire life at risk. i jsut moved out of my parents house and got a car and an apartment i cant risk losing everything for a mental health stay not do i have the money.

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Welcome to the community.

:blush:

Oh, I’ve lost at least 5 good years of my life to schizophrenia, another 5 since I’ve been slowly recovering. Lost jobs, ruined relationships, alienated friends etc. Picked up smoking, put weight on etc.

Get in touch with a psychiatrist. Better safe than sorry. The symptoms you’re describing, if real, could herald an upcoming psychotic break.

We cannot diagnose you, we’re not professsionals. We can however attest to this: earlier diagnosis results in better long-term outcome.

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