Sorry to bombard this forum a lot, but I really need some comfort and support right now. I think I’m being watched. I keep going back and forth on the uncertainty but I’m 100% convinced im being stalked inside my head by my mom’s ex husband. I hear her and his voice (among others) and they keep verbally and mentally abusing me and accusing me of things I did not do and claim im not the victim. They tell me to go kill myself everyday. When I go to work, the voices are 10x worse and it sounds like my coworkers are talking about me and to me from a distance but when I get close i don’t hear them say anything about me hearing voices. When I put on earbuds it sounds like they are talking louder and saying things behind my back to where I cannot hear them but when I pause the music it’s as if nothing has happened. When in close proximity to my mom I don’t hear her voice inside my head which adds on to my uncertainty. When I’m at home and my mom and sister is here, I hear constant slamming in tune of what is going on in my head. I have a coworker that is always angry that also likes to slam drawers at work. I had an incident today where I looked at her feet and thought in my head “she is bow legged” and then I heard her voice from a distant talking about me. then later put on music and thought ‘you better do your job’ as her voice was constantly aggravating me. While I was working I didn’t notice her behind me while I was mopping and I accidentally stepped on her foot. I told her “oh my bad” and she said “we are about to fight” then I said back “oh we’re about to fight?” and then kept doing my job. Was this just a coincidence? One time I believe while I was sleep at work she slammed the drawer to wake me up and I think I heard her say “I won’t do that again”. Whenever I’m reading something on my phone I hear the voices from a distance read what I’m reading. I also believe my body and emotions are being controlled. I have tactile hallucinations that feel like I’m being set up in this scenario. Am I crazy?
Sorry this was so long and I doubt anybody will read it to it’s entirety but I just needed to get this out
I struggle with paranoia etc too. It’s kept me from working. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. I know how hard it is. Hopefully others have good input for you.
It’s definitely not real though. It sounds like you hear them a lot so I’d look at it as voices. Idk what to tell you except maybe talk to your doctor and try not to listen to the voices and definitely don’t act on them. This is different but I tripped out at work for like three hours following this whole belief I had. I thought that everyone knew something they didn’t. I questioned it but I could easily follow what I thought was going on. I asked a co worker and turned out it wasn’t true. I don’t know what you can do about voices though other than meds.
I do hear them a lot. I hear them every day. I’m going to a psychiatrist as soon as my insurance comes in in January. And I’m proud of you for asking your coworker about the situation. I’m sorry you had to deal with that. I’m still hesitant on me asking my coworkers because I don’t want them to know that I have a mental illness and don’t know how to bring up the topic without sounding like I’m crazy.
I have hallucinations and delusions daily that make it hard to tell what is real. I just try to stay busy to keep my mind from eating itself. I never thought I was crazy or had schizophrenia I always thought that someone was doing all these things to me and I believed my family was in on it. I told them that and it hurt their feelings. Now I keep my comments on what i see or what I’m thinking to myself to not hurt anyone. I’m older now and have achieved everything I set out to do, so I no longer have hopes or dreams. The product of getting old and cynical. But I choose to be happy; there’s too much misery in the world. I hope you find some resolution for your problems whether it’s just more good days than bad days or better coping. Good things.
I was alone late with one of the head cooks at the restaurant. He was close with the guy that helped me get the job. He asked and said I didn’t have to answer but wondered what my disability was cause he knew I had one. I told him schizophrenia. He said he wouldn’t have known. Anyways I thought he told some people so that’s why I was able to ask. I approached it cautiously and wasn’t accusatory. in this situation I thought it was ok to ask him. He assured me he didn’t say anything. The whole night though before that I swear everyone was messing with me. I was on a different med at the time though and coming out of a psychosis.
I’m glad you’re able to find happiness in yourself. Most people don’t have that. I agree there is too much misery in the world and too much of it is getting spread around nowadays. That’s why I try to find peace from anything that is bothering me
Yeah I feel that. I’m always paranoid especially at work. Whenever I pass by people it sounds like they’re saying something mean under their breath or from a distance and it’s hard to make out what is being said. Heard one coworker say something about someone’s mind and immediately sent me into psychosis.
That’s gotta be difficult. Have you ever been on meds? I luckily found one that works great for me after 14 years of meds that weren’t as good. It’s funny too cause anytime I used to reality check people either said it wasn’t true or they wouldn’t even know what I was talking about. Definitely try and not act out on your hallucinations.
I was on olanzapine for 30 days in October but my meds ran out and haven’t been on them since then.
I sometimes takes a while too to get the full benefit on meds like that. Especially if you’re in remission or coming out of psychosis. I hope you can find some decent meds. Or maybe consider getting medicaid or help with insurance through government beyond work if you can.
To me, you sound like you might have health problems, like poor diet, too much caffeine or alcohol. Vitamin deficiencies. Things like that really affect positive symptoms. You might find your symptoms more manageable with vitamins and better diet.
It’s astonishing what tricks our brains can play on us and make everything so real to us. But people cannot read minds. Or broadcast thoughts. It takes a very curative mind to make up strong delusions that are almost like living in a waken dream world. Where you have a hard time disbelieving of this dream world that you can’t get out of. They say drugs is the answer to the problem, but it doesn’t work for everyone. I hope you can get help.
You have voices really bad! It may not last a long time.
What won’t last a long time?
Your voices won’t always be so loud. (?)
Why won’t they always be so loud? Not sure I’m understanding
I believe they are just saying that often times voices don’t linger at their peak but get more manageable over time. Personally I’ve not had to struggle with voices but I’ve had paranoia and can only Imagine the compounding effects voices would have had on it. I’ll speak to the paranoia. For me it was often fueled by my own behaviour coming off as odd in primis to me and my desire to appear normal would then be the trigger to project my social fears, leading me to perceive people as conspiring against me. The oddities of my behaviour were reflected in the actions of others, that I would then perceive as anomalous and therefore a threat. I think my advice is to try and focus on your own actions and words, trying to keep them as coherent and predictable to others as possible. This will lower their arousal(as in alertness) around you which in turn should translate to less emotional panic within the paranoia itself. I wish you the best, hopefully you’ll be back to business as usual in no time, paranoia is such a buzzkill.
Nothing is permanent.