I am new to this forum. I have been diagnosed as SZ for about 4-5 years and take abilify. I act pretty normal with my medication to the point that no “normal” person would suspect anything was “wrong” with me. I have not dated anybody since my diagnosis, but recently there has been a girl pop up who I think is a good candidate.to have a real relationship with. I have been on a few dates with her that have gone well.
So, I was wondering - who here has dated a “normal” person and how did it/does it go? I haven’t told her of my situation, and am not sure if I should tell her unless it comes up. What to do?
I was diagnosed when I was 17… I had some past relationships that were going through something just as dark as I was suffering through. Many toxic situations with much unneeded stress.
I had to get stable and get the toxic people out of my life… and heal and grow.
This past year I made a friend… no intention of being more then that… but it grew. Yes, my girlfriend is neurotypical (normal). It turns out… there is some mental illness in her family so she’s patient with my bad days… understands some of my glitches.
As far as tell or not tell… I told. I went through a period of just being fed up… and if someone was going to leave me… I’d rather they do it before I get attached. But that is just me.
Only you will know the right time. Follow your heart… don’t stress and enjoy the friendship.
Hello mike,I am TX,I had recently dated a girl 5 months ago which lasted 3 months.I have held her hands and we are good when we met…now I had not contacted her because it is a little stressful for me even though I enjoy having a girlfriend and being with her.I guess we are not that suitable,but I am grateful that I had my first relationship experience with her…I hope to meet someone who is more suitable and now I just want to improve myself in all aspect
First of all, I never really “dated” in the traditional sense.
But none of my female “friends” or hook ups were “normal”
A lot of the females I was with, had Borderline or various other personality disorders, were alcoholics, one had schizoaffective, my ex wife had severe Borderline and possibly bipolar, I was with a few that had Bulimia and Depression etc…
What is normal anyway? I have always been attrected to interesting and colorful, Normal is just too boring for me
I’m married to a neurotypical. Wouldn’t describe her as normal as normal bores me. I like exceptional people and I’m blessed that one liked me back enough to walk down the aisle with me.
I’d recommend finding common ground with a partner in some way.
I find normal men extremely intimidating which is why i took so long to find the right person. Had sex with a lot of normal people and long term relationships, but all unsatifying in some way
I’m married to a neurotypical guy and have had past relationships with neurotypical people. I can tell you that it pays off to just be honest about it than take a great blow later. Plus it’s only fair to them, who knows what might happen on the road, they have to have the possibility to study and understand your illness. Meds don’t do wonders and there are negative symptoms they should understand. If they are a good fit for you, they will get into this whole-heartedly. If they are not, they will freak out.
I’ve had people freaking out, even when they were not neurotypical. I dunno. I strongly believe it’s the only fair thing to do: to tell them about it before they (or you ) get too attched to take a well-thought of decision.
Yeah, that is what I was really wondering I guess- when should I mention it to her? I want to live my life to the fullest and don’t want this to be a deal breaker, but I think she should know fairly early… just to be fair.
I guess you should take your time, and find a day when you are both calm and able to have that discussion. You might have to explain a bit, so you can even do some research about it yourself, in order to answer her questions if they arise. When I make a new friend, I take a special meeting just to have this talk and explain to them what I suffer from, what the risks are, what they can do to help me - like tell me if they notice something changed or weird at me etc. I usually get a lot of questions like "what do you do during crisis, how does it start, what should I look for in your behaviour"etc. So I tried to be prepared for those questions and if not, I simply tell them I dunno.
So, I guess that’s it: maybe you should tell her when you are sure it’s looking to be a serious relationship or friendship, that is when you think you can have such a serious talk. It is rarely a deal breaker if you act responsible about it and show you’re in control of your illness, so don’t worry.
From your first answer, I think you are a bit negative and unfair towards people with sz, like in these phrases: “It’s only fair to them”, “Meds don’t do wonders and there are negative symptoms they should understand”.
I 'm sorry, but I didn’t like these words.
I’m sorry you don’t like those words, they are not ill-intended. I am a SZ, mind you, so I cannot really be “racist” or discriminating people with SZ.
What I mean to say is that living with a SZ person (like myself) can be difficult and sometimes scary for the family and friends, and when you make a new connection of any kind I personally believe it’s fair to let them know what they can expect and educate them, if they want to be educated, about what can happen and how they can help.
Oh, I see you edited your post to say negative instead of racist. I understand it better now. Well, if you read my previous posts on the forum you will see that I am one of teh positive-thinking people regarding thsi illness. I do believe SZ people are as entitled to a wonderful life as neurotypical people, and that they can achieve all that with a bit of determination and help.
