And now i should be patient

So we’ve made the tour on the meds… They cant help me much. They come as a maintaining thing, but now i should work on myself mostly… Ive also gone through the rage of having spent 15 years in isolation. And even before that, i was ill, since forever… Its a hard constatation. I never had fun, i never lived, this is true… So now i want so badly to be better already, to know that everything in my body and mind is ok… But i should remain patient… I have a lot work to do on myself… I need to get out of this agnosia stuff… This is the cognitive deficiency, the intellectual deficits but i am scared ive been isolated for so long. Should i remain positive on this? I also need to recover on the emotions. Sometimes they are just a big mess… Other times, i have non existing positive emotions and this is very painful. The result of this is that i end up with all kind of dark thoughts in my head. Dark about my recovery i mean.
But you know, today i felt everything ok, but just for a minute… I am scared that to be ok just for a minute doesn’t say good about a soon recovery… what do you think?
Talk me how you got better on the intellectual deficiency, on the emotions… And no, i wont take more meds for everything. Ive been there. The most of them made me crazier… And they never helped me really with all. And after 30 years, i want all, yeap. No, i am not really so ambitious but i just believe i can do it sooner or later, that’s all. I just wish, that it wont be too later… I am getting old :cry: … But yes, i definitely want my head and emotions back. Were you like this - with just a moment of total sanity in the beginning, but it gone better faster? Or maybe in my case, after 15 years of isolation, it would be longer? Help me relativize my years of no life if you can pls, its a hard thing… I know it was the illness, but everybody around me is shocked by this… They cant understand what is to live without emotions since kid… this and the other stuff stuck you to the bed for years…

I also still think of the others sufferings… But ive also paid enough with these 20 years of no life. Its too much for anybody. i still have problems swallowing it in the evenings…

and thank you all. I wouldn’t do it without the forum, its almost my only social life. I learn and listen here :slight_smile: .


Well, now i think that my parents were guilty for my state… My mom says its genetic… Yeap… Not everybody would have gone mad with an abusive father, is this true? But gosh, i cant even talk now… I felt dumb for years because of this… And none of my ill friends didn’t knew this… Idk, i guess i am still depressed. Still trying to accept this fate. It was a wasted life and it will be hard in the future. My body is destroyed also. add to this my mental health and hell boy, no one will want me, yeah…
Idk how to relativize this. I hope i don’t annoy you here… anybody ill since kid? i am dumb or what? wow…

My advice is to push yourself out of the comfort zone. The walls keep things out, but they also keep you in.

Right now just get out of the house, get the body moving. Set a goal, push yourself further than you think you’re capable of.

It’s going to be scary, exhilarating and amazing. That’s life.


I push myself, helenback… But i emerge from a deep isolation, inactivity and a lot of degradation with all this… Idk, you don’t want probably tell me, that the recovery risks to be long?
And how to accept my life till now? It wasn’t a life… Maybe there are some others out there like me… But they even don’t write here…

You’re ruminating too much. I do it too. There are millions of things to ruminate about but it’s useless to ruminate about them. There are a million problems we all have, both large and small, insignificant and important. But you won’t solve problems by thinking. Action is the key.

You can go for a walk or out to a deserted restaurant (for a start) or take an empty bus and watch the scenery as you go by. Do something, anything. You can go sit at the park and then go home and have dinner and still have time to ruminate for hours if that’s what you like. But at least you got out. It’s a bad habit to think you can think all your problems away.
I’m only trying to help you a little because you were nice to me about a month ago and I understand part of your problems.

There will always be time to ruminate in your life no matter how busy you are.

But if you’re like me, sometimes I wait and wait for just the perfect time to do something. You can wait forever and that perfect time will never come.

1 Like

OK, we get it. Ill since kid.

Yes, yes… thank you both. Yeap, life is movement. I was out yesterday to the pharmacy, so i was glad back at home.
Otherwise, i live in the capital here and everything, everywhere is very crowded. So i close still. I’ll continue fighting, this is sure. I don’t want to die anymore. I still have a bit of suicidal urges, but i take them as just symptoms.
Its just a pity, that the meds don’t work on me.
Thanks Nick, i really try to change now. Sometimes its just tiring to look for the fault in myself always. I lived as a very lonely kid, i was a savage kid and maybe i don’t understand why i ended up like this… It hurted me when my ill best friend told me she would have killed herself in my place. She is ultra social and even when she is delusional, she goes out all the time.
Ok, less ruminating, ok… Yeah, its nice to feel some positivity sometimes :slight_smile: . I know my illness better now, this is a plus also.
Maybe my recovery will be faster than i imagine, idk. But i have few time left, this is sure…

Let the negativity you get from others roll off your back like water on a duck. Got that from a therapist. My dad constantly puts me down and I need to just not care and I need to not expect compassion and empathy from him.

yeah, i got that too… I need not to care especially right now. But i have few friends and they don’t seem to understand… whatever… ill get over this too one day i guess…
sorry to complain now also, its night here and i get dumb usually at this time, wow…

As for the intellectual deficiency and cognitive problems etc what helped me was coming off the ■■■■ ton of medication I was on. I still take my anti psychotic and anti depressant though.

1 Like

What you say about isolation alarms me. People are social animals. You have to rub elbows with your fellow humans at least a little bit. The times in my life when I have been the worst came after a prolonged period of total isolation. As for the med’s Geodon and Seroquel have been a very good combination for me. Don’t give up on the med’s completely. Keep trying to find something that works.

Well don’t give up, life can change on a dime I guess.

This topic was automatically closed 90 days after the last reply. New replies are no longer allowed.