First of all, this is posted in the Unusual beliefs section even though it is not my belief (as far as I am aware) that it’s possession, it’s just a theory. It seems I am unable to believe in anything, unless my condition wants me to believe in something. I can’t even be paranoid, because I’m unable to think. Anyway, the thread’s topic seems unusual enough, and here it goes.
I have been diagnosed with schizophrenia.
My body seems to move by itself (feels like moving itself). That includes doing everyday things and writing this thing - everything my body does seems to happen by itself rather than me doing it by will. Rein no longer seems to have control over his own body. It is as if he is possessed by some demon or spirit, and I am that spirit who possesses him and I am now writing this (on his behalf and from his perspective) and doing everything. Sometimes the voices in my head seem to be either able to move my body or predict when it happens. For example just now they said “We will now move this hand towards the screen.” and my hand indeed moved towards the screen. I have also attempted suicide, or rather, that spirit or demon tried to kill me - it could duplicate the feeling of moving your limbs and body by intent, and apply it while the body was moving by itself, resulting in me feeling it as if it is me who’s attempting a suicide, and for no apparent reason. Sometimes my head makes strange movements (like shaking, nodding, grinning weirdly, opening and closing the mouth repeatedly, showing tongue, or making weird faces) or my mouth speaks, by itself. It is not only limited to my face - a few times I have waved around with my hands unwillingly or started jumping up and down as I walk - also done by the body itself.
I have never acted like this before, nor do I think I have invented myself some of the strange movements which happen repeatedly, so I am assuming it may be paranormal in origin. My doctor’s opinion is that it’s just a feeling that my body is moving by itself and it’s actually me doing everything, but there is no way I would verbally threaten myself (literally, my mouth has told me “I will kill you.”) or attempt to kill myself for no apparent reason at all. Also, those mysterious head’s movements are not random either, they are usually a response to something. Usually when I hear something related to death, a double head shake will ensue. A taboo topic: a half head shake from left to right. When it lies to someone or makes a mistake it will hum (with my vocal cords). If I get a death threat as a fake thought or concept in my head then it will nod. If it finds something funny it will nod several times with my tongue showing out and eyelids blinking. This is not me, I would not act like this.
There have been instances where it has started messing around with my entire body in the middle of night. I have posted videos of it happening here:
I have voices in my head (most of the time I feel them rather than hear them). They comment on the things I do, or I see happening around me, or what is happening inside me most of the time. I get threatened every day that I’m going to be tortured for the eternity after I die, and that I should try to escape from this thing somehow (although they also tell me they will try to stop me from escaping it). They also often threaten that the spirit that possesses me is going to kill me. It has already tried to kill me while I was in the hospital, and also one time before I was in the hospital. The voices appear to be fairly intelligent occasionally. One time I hadn’t been sleeping for days and then the voices told “Today you’re going to sleep” and indeed I slept that day. At another time the voices could tell in advance what is going to happen in my dream. Recently the content of my dreams has been entirely about the strange experiences I’ve been having, and I’ve had those voices in some dreams as well. The voices call them “fake dreams” and claim that the program that controls the voices produces those dreams. Other topics from both the voices and fake thoughts are how they’ve ruined my life and reminding what I could have done without this condition, and how I’m guilty of the various things it has dug up from my memory that I’ve done wrong in my life. The last one is also the reason why they’re saying I’m going to be tortured after death - they claim that I’ve done those things because my soul is ill, and everlasting torture is an effective way to control me and prevents me from reincarnating in the highly advanced ET society this “spirit”/“demon” was engineered in (supposedly they’ve learned to tap into and program the space where souls exist, and send targeted attacks down that plane as “spirits”/“demons”, causing such “schizophrenia” in targets).
There was a period during which I was subject to what I’d call intelligent torture. I felt a really bad feeling, which is like pain and restlessness combined. It was intelligent because it would only ease up during walking, eating, sleeping, talking to the doctor or being in the line to get my medications, and so I spent most of the days in the hospital walking in the corridor all day long. I wouldn’t wish that torture upon anyone, and the voices keep telling me I’m going to be tortured forever, more than I’ve ever been tortured before, after I die. Those voices simply call it torture (in plural, in my language) and they told I was to be tortured unless I’m walking, or on some important business. I don’t know what was the purpose of having me walking all the time.
While I’m not being tortured to the extent I was before (it was worse than pain), it can still inflict aches in my head, sometimes quite strong like a toothache, and there are pretty much all the time (they disappear when doing certain things) some unpleasant feelings I feel in my head or body. The voices have told the purpose of this is to calibrate my soul to reincarnate in a place where I’m going to be tortured.
I no longer have any emotions. For example I used to play computer games and watch films and Youtube videos before but I no longer get any enjoyment from it.
I no longer have any thoughts. My mind is completely empty most of the time. Sometimes I have ideas, thoughts or concepts which are foreign to me - I seem to understand them, but I also feel they are not mine. My own thoughts are completely gone, or hidden from my consciousness.
I completely lack the will to do anything, nothing interests me any more, so I spend most of the day in the bed.
The medications I’ve been taking haven’t had any noticeable effects.
Someone suggested praying to God, but the voices say it won’t count, because it’s the spirit that is praying, not me. Also, it has the ability to block me from understanding the text that I am reading and also block out the meaning of the words that come out of my (or someone else’s) mouth: I can normally understand everything, but when it comes to the Lord’s prayer or something similar then I can no longer understand what is written or what comes out of my mouth.