I’ve been reading a lot about mental illness. There was a point when I thought I was manic. spending a lot of money, talking a lot, etc I went to my pdoc and told her my symptoms and concerns. She said it’s not that at all. It was actually part of my schizophrenia. I felt quite confused. Like as though I am inflicting these moods on myself through reading about them. Do you think so? Maybe I shouldn’t read too much at all.
let your shrink diagnose you, and treat you, reading too much, and then in our sz minds interpreting this information it is possible we as sz will become overwhelmed, paranoid, and anxious…
being manic is part of being on a sz rainbow there are so many symptoms.
your mechanic fixes your car for a reason they have the knowledge and know how.
When I had my first breakdown years ago, I used to read up a lot about the symptoms, until I ended up convincing myself (and my mother) that I don’t really have schizophrenia, its all made up. I used to believe that for years until I had a relapse and went to hospital where I thought I had Bipolar but they still diagnosed me with SZ. It was then that I realised I didn’t make up the symptoms, that they just resonated with me, that’s all. I couldn’t have made it up in the hospital, because I didn’t think I had SZ. I questioned my pdoc about why he thinks I have SZ and he told me why. Recently another pdoc working with him asked me why I doubted I had SZ because I hear voices and have intrusive thoughts. And I have a eleven-year-long psychiatric history of it as well, so I then accepted it - I have SZ.
It is confusing enough for me on the outside looking in. I can only imagine how confusing it is for you and others dealing with these symptoms. I don’t think that you are inflicting these moods on yourself. Sometimes an outside perspective can see things that we ourselves can not see.
I used to read up on all of my symptoms, trying to “figure” things out - it is difficult for me to do this, only a doctor should be able to diagnose your symptoms, however I do think that you should be following how you feel. What I do is journal in how I am feeling everyday, this way I can look back and tell my doctor my symptoms exactly. You should follow up on how you are doing and feeling and then tell the doctor everything.
Journaling or keeping a Mood diary is a good way to do this
I like the idea of the mood diary. I’ve been getting confused a lot lately as well. It’s being drilled into my head by my therapist that what I’m feeling is real. I’m not making up what I’m feeling.
Trying to take those feelings, and energy spikes and confusion spikes and turn it into a different diagnosis is not wise for me. It’s me trying to talk myself out of Sz. I admit, I have tried to do that in the past… “LOOK, I’m PTSD… not Sz. I’m ADHD, not SZ… Look… Mr. Doc, this symptom fits bipolar… see?” And my doc nods and says… yes, but it also fits SZ. You have what you have."
I don’t know if it’s that way with you. But it has been for me when I really didn’t want to admit I was ill. Or at least not ill with the dreaded word at the top of the charts.
But as many have said here, if your meds work and help you… if the panic and other horrid feeings go away… the label doesn’t matter. I hope you feel better.
isnt it just a drive too know what is going on in your mind?
It just seems that if I think the worst I feel worst. I am exhausted and drained. I feel weak. And I swear abilify was supposed to give me more energy. But these time is different. I hate this feeling.
I get into a panic a lot over “symptoms”. I’ll get into WebMD and check off each one and try and determine if I have the illness or not. But knowing my finances are limited I refuse to take myself to the doctor simply because the voices in my head are trying to convince me I have something I more than likely don’t. So I rarely visit WebMD or other medical sites any more and any odd feelings I get I just brush off as being hallucinations or delusions.