What if I’m just making things up for attention? What if I’m just manipulating the doctors into giving me this diagnosis? Am I really SZA or am I some kind of hypochondriac? Everything feels really messed up. Do I really hallucinate or do I just make that happen too? How do I know?
I’ve thought the same thing! For me, I can’t answer you honorably, because I don’t know the answer. But I do think that we have schizophrenia. I think it goes beyond making it up, and if you look deep down you might see that.
Does medication help? Has that clarified anything for you? I’m not on any meds.
No, unfortunately for me it hasn’t, but that was a problem I use to have. I am confident I have schizophrenia now. Maybe it’ll take time…? Is this a new diagnosis for you?
Also I have to add at my worst I do lose touch with reality and don’t realize I have a problem.
I struggle with that too sometimes, but things are always shifting, I know I am sick at the very, very least.
If you are hallucinating as of around 16-20’s, you’re probably some form of sz related illness. I looked into the other things that can cause hallucinations, and none of them fit even close.
@FranzKafka Yes. I was diagnosed about a week ago.
@MisterWaffles Yes, at least I can confidently say that I am sick. I actually hallucinated as far back as five or six. I have very vivid memories of it. I hallucinated a lot 15-16 too. Not as much lately. I am 19 now.
I think this will be a temporary worry (I don’t want to call it a delusion, although it may be).
Well, as far as that I mean long term. It’s something that isn’t going to be an isolated experience, at a young age it can be attributed to developmental processes.
I was diagnosed somewhere around a month and a half ago I think. There’s a distinct point in my mind where things just stopped being normal, I didn’t feel like myself anymore, and in my memory, it seems like it’s just been one very long day since that moment.
Catching it early is a special kind of hell. I was racked with anxiety, and thought about it constantly. You have to keep yourself occupied, it’s a must. Otherwise the days will go very slowly, and you’ll start to doubt and get confused, just keep the doctors up to date with what’s going on, and do everything else like nothing is going on.
Time never goes more slowly than when i’m thinking about my symptoms.
Don’t worry about this. Worry about your symptoms and whether you’re getting relief from them. So many people here have had diagnoses that change over time - what’s important is whether you and your doctor are working together to get you well, not whether your doctor got the right label on the first stab.
I saw you posted in another thread you had surgery recently, may I ask what it was?
@FranzKafka But what if I think something is a delusion and then it isn’t? What if medication messes me up because I got the wrong diagnosis? I don’t know if my thoughts are my thoughts or if they are other thoughts or if they are my thoughts and I’m just making them sound like other thoughts. I can’t get a bead on anything.
@MisterWaffles I feel like my whole life has been one long day. Everything has been so messed up for so long. I don’t remember a time when I didn’t feel all screwed up. The first time I tried to kill myself I was eleven, or maybe that didn’t really happen. I don’t know, I’m not sure if I’m making up memories. I know I’m messed up, but I’m not sure how I’m messed up.
Oh, my appendix ruptured so I needed surgery for that. Apparently its been infected for years. It hurt all the time, but I didn’t really tell anyone.
@Rhubot But if I got the wrong label then I might get the wrong medication and what if that really messes me up? I’m really not sure how much longer I’m going to make it, I don’t want to get worse. Everything is pushing under my skin and screaming and noise and clenching and I can’t tell if it’s a symptom or if something else is happening or maybe my body is sick or I’m just being dramatic.
Thank you all for helping. Sorry for being so all over the place.
That’s why you can’t think about it buddy. Delusions are one of the symptoms, and you don’t want to delusionally add symptoms. Try not to be scared, and don’t let it ever be the focus of an action.
You’ll get peace of mind at some point, but thinking about it will push it further away.
As for medication, from what I understand there’s not really a right medication, so you don’t have to worry about that haha
They all operate on either dopamine, serotonin receptors, or both.
It seems the ‘right’ medication has more to do with what and how you experience the side effects of medications.
I’ve had very bad experiences with side effects in the past. When I was nine they diagnosed me with autism and a sever anxiety disorder and put me on meds that really screwed me up for a long time. Now I am told that I am definitely not autistic and that the meds won’t be as bad now that I’m older, but I’m not sure, what if they are as bad or worse even? I don’t want to kill myself, but I’m afraid that I will if things get really bad again.
I’m sorry. I’m causing problems aren’t I?
I don’t think many people would voluntarily take anti-psychotic medications unless they were mentally ill. In my case, I had over twenty hospitalizations to convince me. A few of those hospitalizations I fought in court. A lot of people were strongly convinced I was sz. I finally accepted their proscriptions.
If you get the wrong med and it isn’t helping/is causing intolerable side effects, talk to your doctor and get moved to another one. It might help to write down what you feel your worst symptoms are to talk over with your doctor - your doctor will probably have their own ideas about this, too.
I had a horrible time on my first couple of meds. I talked to my doctor and we tried new things until something worked. I also think I had an incomplete diagnosis. Treatment is usually trial and error. Your diagnosis is by nature a moving target: keep your doctor informed of how your symptoms progress and how medications work for you.
Honestly, it’s natural to worry about this. But try not to. You feel something is wrong. It’s entirely possible that in trying to be heard and taken seriously, you over focused on some things in your talks with your doctor. Your doctor isn’t going to feel shocked or betrayed to hear that and no doubt expects it, even. Just keep communicating.
yes,i am questioning myself the same thing. no hallucinations for my part. i was diagnosed borderline once… and i am just messed up also and lost… i am screwed up also
What are your hallucinations like? Aspergers and autism can have visual symptoms.