So I went to a party which was mostly my graduating class from 2012 and then some people they brought, I brought a couple of people. I didnt have a single drink and instead carried around my super sized workout water bottle and helped drunks puke, hydrated them and rolled the passed-out people on their sides so they wouldnt choke on vomit and die like Jimi Hendrix.
I still had a great time, it was great to see everybody, even if they were all on drugs or drunk or both.
But I was more amazed at myself for being 90% symptom free, driving two people, not drinking, but still having fun and talking to people. If that kind of party had happened last year at this day I would have been unmedicated and shitfaced and rather antisocial.
Some people said they were proud of me for being sober and on meds, including my druggie programmer friends who was on ecstasy. Strange thing, he is very empathetic on that, he is like a psychopath when he is drunk. He actually helped me take care of the drunks.
But I am a new person to everyone else, and I feel like I am more comfortable in my new skin. I smoke cigarettes but am otherwise straight edge, am now a competitive powerlifter and straight A student studying psychology, ironically. I even had a conversation about schizophrenia with one of my friend’s sister who apparently wrote a paper on it for some class. It was funny, I opened up my pillbox and showed her my meds and was like “this is how people live with schizophrenia” after she remarked that she would have never guessed that I had it until she heard about it at some point (word gets around, 70 something people in each graduating class at that school).
Everyone from my class knows about it. Some of them made subtle remarks about how good I looked and some of them told me to stay strong, “literally” and figuratively, I post my personal record powerlifting videos on facebook and people remarked on “So ive seen you’re a powerlifter now” or the guys who lift give me specific kudos for each lift.
But overall I have made it out of the hell that this illness is. I did have a couple symptoms within the 6 hours I was out last night. I heard someone say something about a bug in the toilet and there was a sheet of paper that said “out of order” on the toilet and I pissed in it and thought there was a camera and everyone was watching on their phones and making fun of my average ■■■■■. I heard people laughing when I was peeing and just took it like a man, then my mind cleared. I used to experience that sort of ■■■■ every ■■■■■■■ minute. It happened once in 6 hours.
My good old friend, the host was like “oh yeah, the toilet is taking like 5 minutes to flush so just use the other bathrooms or piss outside” and then I was completely over the delusion and had a conversation with him about his girlfriend who was legally his wife- theyre getting divorced now- oh well.
I was actually one of the most mature people there, in retrospect. I mean I drove people, took care of a few drunks, helped them puke and drink water and all of that (like they used to do for me, they pointed out) My friend, the host’s oldest brother was there and he told me “you are the wisest person here, no lie”. He is a graduate of Elon and is way older than us, so I took it to mean something.
I am over the whole party and get ■■■■■■ up thing in life, it had it’s time, I am over the whole grab-some-stranger’s-ass thing, Ive been there, and now I live a very productive and stable life with good people around me. The powerlifting team is very serious, some of them are sponsored professional athletes, so I am way beyond a normal 169 pound guy in strength but am now in the same room with professional lifters. One of my friends pointed out to me that he knows me and warned me that I will never be satisfied and always be below the pro lifters on my team and that I am unbelievably, ridiculously strong regardless of the higher ranked lifters. I also have kept my full ride to college, which some of my friends were surprised to hear, I guess they thought I must have lost it because I was psychotic. LOL NOPE
It was really enlightening to be able to go to a reunion wearing a Jack Skellington t-shirt, black and white and skull and crossbones calve socks with my black and white high top converse (what powerlifters wear) instead of Navy BDU’s like I always dreamed about. Still was sober, didnt do drugs, took care of people, was of service to others. I am physically and mentally strong, but due to my challenges I have faced with life with a mental illness, not due to military training like I always dreamed of.
But I am a more individual and unique person than I ever imagined. Im not a factory made wind up toy soldier, I am Maurice, and I have overcome challenges equal to elite soldiers and am still kicking ass as a competitive athlete and scholar, and I never let schizophrenia take everything from me.