Schizophrenia.com

It wasn't because of sz after all


#1

I will try very hard to make this brief. But I’m feeling better and in a chatty mood. The kid sis, with all good intention will sometimes forget herself and paly matchmaker. It’s hard to avoid the good intentions of others, but we all know what the road to hell is paved with……

The girl this time was nice enough, but after the week I’ve just had, I just wasn’t in the mood. I figured I could scare this one off fast, come home sit in the bath and just read my book.

I tell the girl straight up, “Hi, I’ve been told I don’t look it,:wink: but I’m schizophrenic……” She stopped me and said, “Yes I know. A little bit paranoid, a little bit disorganized right?” OK now I’m getting nervous. She is the younger sister of a guy who used to be my friend way back when. She texted her brother to meet her; and this guy I haven’t seen in nearly 11 years walks in 30 minutes later. Awkward doesn’t even begin to cover it. But we try to be civil.

We were once pretty close friends, met way back in day. He was pretty much one of my very few friends, until I got out of hospital after my final big episode that broke me. Age 17 to 18. He was gone very soon after I got out. I was always a bit hurt by that. It turns out, while my life was drastically changing, so was his. He was hurt by the fact that I seemed cold and distant and emotionless during the time he was coming out of the closet. Age 17 to 18. I was finally able to tell him last night that… “No, that’s part of the SZ.” He thought I was cutting all ties due to him coming out. I thought he was cutting all ties due to me mentally shattering.

We were both wrong. We both could have used each-others friendship many times during this life. But we both had our nose too out of joint to make the first budge. We’ve both been clean and sober for about the same amount of time. We both still swim. So, we’re meeting up to see who can still swim a 500. (most likely neither of us)

I’ve been learning this lesson over and over these past few months…. It’s not about the SZ. Don’t always assume it’s was all about the SZ. Some people said they ran because of the heavy drinking, or (imagine this) problems or life changes of their own… , it had nothing to do with SZ. Now, in the past four years of sober, people have been coming back. It’s amazing who I have room for in life when I kick the alcohol out of it. I’m pretty happy about clearing up all those past years of hurt feelings and sad pondering.


#2

You are learning a very valuable life lesson. It’s hard when you are going through things to see the other side objectively. We all have our hard times. Getting rid of negative things like alcohol can open up so many doors for the good things to come in. You could have walked away from this meeting and you didn’t. I’m proud of you for staying and working it out.


#3

Thank you for that.
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t tempted to turn and run. But I had a kid sis pressing my hand to the table the first 5 minutes. His kid sis was sort of doing the same. But when he and I got to talking a little, all that past fog started to clear. Now that I’ve slept on it, I’ve been wondering if the kid sis wasn’t match making after all and this “coincidence” wasn’t as random as I first thought. It doesn’t matter. It just feels good getting all sad that past out of the way and start to repair this friendship.


#4

Oh, that’s fantastic, J! There are many people that I wish I could reconnect with, and some that I actually have. Growing apart sucks, and it’s wonderful when you can rekindle an old friendship.


#5

hey, i am really happy for you.
take care


#6

Went to the late night lap swim at the pool my kid sis works at. Neither of us can do a 500 with any form or time any more. But he wants to get back into swimming like he used to. I still swim, but I never push myself. When I’m swimming alone, I just play around and never stay on pace. I am optimistic about this so far. We met on the youth swim team when we were six. He’s not going to be surprised by a few of my ticks or traits. fingers crossed.


#7

“The world only goes round by misunderstanding”.
Charles Baudelaire