All that I am is my illness

DX'd - Sz/SzA
1

It’s been a long road so far and I’ve been on many medications, through many diagnostic assessments, tried many therapies, the works… I’m currently on three anti-psychotics (just got off of the fourth) and we tried lowering one of the other ones in half last Monday. Now, I experience moderate auditory hallucinations every and paranoid delusions once or twice or week, so when Wednesday rolled around and I had severe, derogatory voices, I treated it as a warning sign.

Then on Thursday and Friday mornings, I had severe voices, seeing demons, feeling like things were crawling all over me, AND paranoia. I was scrunched up in a little ball, letting my cat ground me on my lap. I debated going into the hospital, but ultimately talked myself into seeing if my doc and I could treat this outpatient. He upped the medication he had originally lowered and increased the medication we’re trying to replace them all with as well.

Saturday, Sunday, and today have proven to be little better. I just feel like I’m doing THIS 24/7 and everything else in my identity is kinda sprinkled in there. Maybe I haven’t come to terms? Maybe I’m just having a hard time? I don’t know. I wanted some perspective from like-minded people.

Thank you,

Ashe

2 Likes
2

Depends also which meds you are on? On medication (if it is working for me) I have very mild symptoms sometimes.
It is good you have insight that these things are not ‘real’ though like the voices, paranoia etc. So just good luck with finding the best solution with your pdoc I guess.

3

It is harmful to identify with the illness. You need to find something that is helpful to your self-image, maybe something in a group, something to take your mind off the illness. I use Buddhist meditation, plus I am on the right meds. You need to learn to identify as best you can with normal people.

2 Likes