Aiming too high

i think i was aiming too high when i thought i could be a counsellor or support worker, i think my skills like in the more under rated admin side of things or on the phone,

i think i am learning all the time and i think this is probably what i will be looking for even though it seems boring it is actually very fulfilling and i realised that by doing my voluntary work and just learning as much as i can and it can actually be harder than physical work.

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all i’ve ever done all my sz life … !

I really made myself ill and badly and long term with my aims and college etc aims like ‘acupuncturist’ ‘yoga teacher’ 'therapist" ‘outdoor activities instructor’

I’m now hoping to be able to produce a full length play and it’s actually frightening

my pDoc said in Summer that i was doing too much - that most people with sz can expect to be busy for about 2 hours a week and that is all that is possible

i’ve spent years following that kind of life now i’m too busy

proc really warned me to do less then i heard i have been offered £10 000.00 to produce my full length play !

If this all back fires i will be very upset but not very surprised.

Don’t let anyone dictate what you can and can’t do. Discover your own limitations, and live with them. The doctor’s job isn’t to say what you can’t and should do, but to help you accomplish your goals.

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Thanks Minnii

but the thing is he is right really in some way - all the aiming too high took months to recover from a hospital stay - after doing too much and the stress of these lifestyles.

If stress had nothing to do with it i would really be annoyed with my pdoc… but the thing is he is right - when i do less - i don’t become unwell

This is true throughout my 25 years schizo - i should be doing 2 hrs a week if i want to stay well - that is putting it far too bluntly i know - but after my 3 years in and out of hospital i really did work out that being too busy and stress do that to me… i promised myself to do less - in order to be well

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Alright, but don’t give up yet. Do your play and see if it was too much. You seem happy doing it, I’d hate for you to give that up.

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thanks Minni, xxxx

yes I am showing no sign of slowing down, really

I think that after 10 years out of hospital maybe it’s time to see if i can get on with my life

I am not giving up - but the news about the money came through AFTER about 9 months of another project

this is the thing that the pdoc thought i needed a break after…

no real option now though :slight_smile:

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Yeah, find time to relax everyday for a bit, take one or two days off each week, drink lots of water and eat properly :slight_smile:

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I can relate to this. I started college hoping to end up either a hospice chaplain or a college instructor. As it turns out, I have so much anxiety when dealing with people directly that choosing a job that puts me in a super-social position on a daily basis would be really similar to deliberately upping my arsenic intake.

I think I am on the right track now and have been volunteering in a “boring” position for a couple of years while finishing school. I’ve set myself up for failure enough. I even spent 2.5 years as a waitress. My Clonazepam kept increasing and I could barely sleep but I kept at it for way too long. Mostly this process of figuring out how to be a person and also a schizophrenic still feels like a giant maze to me but the more I figure out and accept about myself, the easier it seems to be to move forward. Good luck!

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Isn’t the job of a waitress also pretty social? I mean you gotta talk to customers when you are serving them food.

Same. I want to be an accountant but as soon as the job interview comes up I get high pressure and anxiety for some reason and it’s lasting for days. Maybe staying home and “retiring” is for the best.

Oh hahaha didn’t look at the date and saw @Minnii I was like “you’re back!!”. But no I guess not.

I’m looking for low level jobs. The jobs are easy already. I don’t know if I can get any easier job. I need to keep trying. I just lost my confidence and have a lot of self doubt.

I have got invitation for interview of some better jobs but I don’t think I can perform well in that capacity. I am thinking if I better no show. It doesn’t feel good to fail.

Being a waitress is extremely social; you have to talk to everyone. It’s also fast-paced and full of constant and changing stimuli. I hope I didn’t word my initial post in such a way that made it seem like I thought this was a good job for a schizophrenic. I am afraid I am just too stubborn for my own good sometimes and the fact that I was using anxiety meds at constantly increasing doses specifically so I could do my job should have been a clue for me. I don’t know how I did it now, though, meds or no.

The advice my therapist gave me was to start at what you can handle and move from there. If you can gain at least a year or two of experience in one setting, it will be much easier to get jobs in the future. So if you can do it, take the easy job. Another friend of mine started out interning at the bank, and 5 years later is making 80 grand a year in DC (albeit on a stress filled job). The point is, don’t overstress yourself. Try out something easy and that you know you can handle and go from there.

That is pretty much what I’m doing right now. I am doing an easy job since last April. I’m happy they let me work in the office. But I need to find another job soon. I hope it would take me to another job with better stability. I will have 3 interviews next week. I need to make myself feel better. At least I want to finish the interview s.

good luck with that :slight_smile:

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In that case, good luck on your interviews. You seem to have a lot of experience so emphasize that!

I have always aimed high and I will try to aim high for as long as I can.

I quit college in november due to the voices, but my aim is to go back in july.

I used to write stories and wanted to be a novelist and I have stopped since the medication kills my creativity, but my aim is to go back as soon as the dose is lowered.

I wanted to travel for various countries and live a busy life and I have put those dreams to wait, but my aim is to do it afterwards.

My aims are high, but that’s just me.

Thank you for your input!