It seems i have ended up here after a long hiatus. I have fought long and hard but as i age, I realise the illness has won.
Although positive symptoms and bouts of psychosis are less poignant, there still remains worsening negative symptoms and loss of cognition.
I have managed to retain the ability to appear as a normie, but if someone were to truely get deeper into my life such as through a relationship or friendship, the mask only lasts so long, and the enivetable truth is there.
The fact remains that i can no longer hold employment. Properly clean my apartment. And physically i am now 350 pounds and almost can no longer walk.
I spend my days smoking cigarettes and playing what video games i can. Working when i can. I often go to my fathers house to eat dinner and watch some t.v. everything else has all but left me.
Don’t give up! I spent my 20s in and out of psych wards, but went back to school at 35 and got my bachelor’s and masters degrees. I still have issues with employment and a few hospitalizations each year, and i just turned 50…but in the last 4 years i went from 298 lbs to 155 lbs, i volunteer for NAMI, I’m on the executive board of a nonprofit center for folks with mental illness. I’m just saying, life often doesn’t go as planned with this illness, but it can still be satisfying and worth living. Oh, i also quit smoking AND vaping in the last year!
My recommendation would be to, instead of focusing on what you’ve lost or cant enjoy anymore, try new things and focus on what you can do.
You may find new things you enjoy if you look for them. Things that may make your life more worthwhile.
Like I said, you can try to improve in areas you have lost some, but you can also look for new activities and opportunities that may enhance your life.
I make jokes about myself here a lot and may say some negative things in jest, but the truth is my life isnt bad with schizophrenia, even at the ripe old age of 51 . And I hope you can come to peace as well.
34 is young. My thirties were my best, productive years. I got clean and sober and got a job and went to school and went to 5 or 6 AA, CA And NA a week. Bowens is right, 34 is way too young to give up. If this wasn’t such a serious matter I would even say it’s ridiculous to give up at 34. You still have your youth, no matter how bad your life is you still have choices. I had a very busy life during my thirties but now at 63 I have slowed down and tend to keep to myself but I just started attending a support group. Could you just do that? I’m also getting out more lately even if it’s just for a drive. We all have choices.
Have done significantly better mentally since moving to be near my daughter in 2017. Would say I’m at 85/100 with 100/100 being full remission. Physical health could be better, especially re mobility. Cognitively - a mixed bag of strengths and comparative weaknesses, but that always been the way it is.
Thanks for all the kind and uplifting sharing guys. Sharing like that, how i feel, helps ease some of the burden sometimes. It has definitely done so in this case.
I am 76 years old. Living in an apartment with old people suits me better, but housing has always been an issue.
I weigh about 180 on 0.5 Haldol and 100 Seroquel. Currently on mostly vegan diet, time restricted. Good luck.
At 64, I’ve slowed way down compared to my 30’s. I used to go out every weekend it seemed like. To the clubs, and also attended lots of rock concerts, jazz, art, and ethnic festivals, and attended operas, ballets, comedy acts, dances, movies, museums, and art galleries, among many other things. I also traveled all across the US and all over the world.
Now I just sit at home, read, do yoga, and play piano, etc…
I Will start new job with Higher salary. I do suffer from this disease but i have hope. I chose to Change the job, hoping the best. Best salary and best work evirenment.
I have 30 year old.
I’m afraid.
But i still enjou life and have confident to take choices like this.
. And I hope you can come to peace as well.