Okay, thank you. The one my friend saw apparently is very professional, so I hope so too. Just booked so I wouldn’t leave me time to talk myself out of it, the earliest is the fifth of July :’)
Thank you for your encouraging words, it’s so easy to lose hope, especially when I feel so helpless.
Well, if anyone has tips on how I can deal with this situation in the meanwhile? Because I still have things to get done and have only managed to leave my bed once today before I went running back to it 
What things are you having trouble with today??
Just, the same thing I’ve been having problems for the past weeks. I’m not crying today? I think it’s because everyone who has answered here has been so helpful 
, I’m less sad and I’ve got a sense of direction, which has cleared the brain fog a bit. But my head still hurts, I’m scared of moving (leaving my bed, going to another room), I don’t want to do anything. Each time I try to open my documents for essays or prepare my paints for assignments, the voices screech super obnoxiously. And if I try to change my mind and take a break by doing something enjoyable, it’s the same thing. And if I just do nothing, I start having panic attacks because I remember all my worries. I’m doing okay-ish, but my mental state tends to worsen with time until I can’t stay awake.
Don’t know if this answers your question?
It does. That’s a really tough spot to be in.
My advice is to make a list of what you have to do and then once that’s done rate the things on the list on a scale of 1-10 how difficult you think they are. Then try to start with the easiest one.
Or if you have somebody there to help you have them talk about the activity or help you do the activity.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this (hugs) I’m rooting for you!
Also remind yourself that you are safe. And remind yourself that the voices are obnoxious and you’re better than them.
I find music can help drown out voices I find instrumentals work best. Also be sure to take deep breaths if you’re starting to feel overwhelmed count in for 5 through the nose out for 7 through the mouth.
Also grounding techniques can help. Engage your senses. Basically what I do is try to describe the room I’m in. For example “im in a brown room with green curtains. Im sitting on a light brown couch. The fabric of the couch is rough like denim. The cushions are soft.” And just keep going like that. Make sure to keep it all neutral statements though.
Also if you can get something to eat or drink and just focus on that I find that helps.
Good luck! You can do it!! Feel better friend!!
Thank you (the forum is subtly letting me know I should mp you but I don’t specially think it’d be welcome so here) for your advice 
I did do that list, and so far I’ve managed to do the easy basics (bae walked me to the kitchen and I made pizza for eg lol), I’ve been trying to do more complex items like an essay, but it’s really hard, my head hurts a lot…Usually when I think at least some ‘voices’ help but they’re all with the bullies 
I tried listening to music but the voices don’t like it, so no music for me 
I suppose they’ve figured out my techniques? They won’t let me use them.
I’ve been feeling a little better, and been prepping for tomorrow,(aagh so anxious!) so I’ll let yall know if trying to talk to the pysch worked
Heey everybody! Here’s the update! I’d like to say thanks to everyone, it gave me a push forwards, you have my eternal gratitude if you don’t want to go through the details lol.
So I saw my therapist, talked to her about my voices and depressed state, and… she ditched me 
AGAIN! I love this. So she said, if it’s an emergency, go to the ER now bye! Sooo… I went home, talked to Bae, he said kay sweetie well let’s pack our lunch and go to the ER. So we went.
The people there were super sweet, I felt listened to for maybe the first time in my life lol. So apparently the go to psychiatrist is the one that told me I couldn’t possibly be schizophrenic or have any kind of mental illness since I wasn’t rambling my head off, and who directed me to the psych who ditched me. Small world. The ER told me to reschedule with her, I suppose my file will go to her since it’s all related to the hospital and they had her file on me. So I’ve come full circle lol. I’m not too optimistic, but well. They didn’t think I needed a hospital stay, but while waiting to see the ‘go-to psych’ the ER guy scheduled me an appointment with him next week, I’m to call if there’s anything wrong, and he told me I’d probably in a not too distant future need meds, or at least he thinks I’m going to need some.
On another note, the inner workings of the hospital system are a complete mindfuck, and I cannot get over the dumbstruck and wtf faces when I announce that yes, I’ve been through every **** loophole in the system since childhood. I still feel depressed, I don’t know how I’m going to do my homework, but I still experience a certain glee to remember the lost faces when I answer. Yes, 4 years of docs. Yes, 4 years without any kind of treatment.
So that’s where we are at present date! If it interests anyone I can keep up updating, or you can mp (IDK how that works tho) or I can just, fall back into anonymity and give news next time I have anything that’s really substantial. At any rate, thanks all for the support, you’re the best 
Hi @keither
Sounds like your Bae is supportive. That’s a sweet thing right there. What if you work backwards? And what I mean by that is go see your family doctor and restart the referral process. A chance perhaps. My eternal best wishes for you.
Why not ask your doctor about Seroquel or low dose Haldol to help you sleep?
I’d love to hear updates. I’m really hoping things go well for you.
That’s hard. It is stupid to ask “why do you want a diagnosis” diagnosis determines treatment. Personality disorders are not usually treated with medication because like you said they are not considered mental illnesses. Thus you don’t have access to medication you could be really benefiting from…
Sadly there is a great deal of ignorance in regards to psychosis in the mental health field. Very few understand that there are different degrees of insight you can have with psychosis and different experiences. For me yeah when I was really psychotic I did believe my voices were actual demons and was using holy water and oil and salt and sleeping with the Bible and all kinds of nutty stuff.
I don’t know a great deal about schizotypal personality disorder It’s not very well covered in psych classes. Something like a person who is paranoid, and doesn’t care for social interaction. I don’t actually remember them mentioning anything about people with spd having hallucinations at all. You should try getting other opinions. My illness is not textbook and is very atypical in general so my diagnosis jumped around a bit before it ended up being schizoaffective.
Hi everyone!
I’m very excited to share a new update.
I’m at the hospital right now~
Which is really good, because everyone takes what happens to me very seriously, they’ve all been very kind…(also I made some ‘friends’)
I don’t have a diagnosis as of now, but I have a treatment that they are testing out which seems to work pretty good (15mg of Olanzapine/Zyprexa a day, 5 in the morning 10 in the evening) I love it, the voices hate it xD
The voices were super angry at first, now they’re mostly insidious, telling me I shouldn’t get my treatment, but I can ignore them… They’ve become really quieter, almost like I was a few years before, I am elated, and to me it totally outweighs the fact that I can’t stay awake past 8 PM.
Also I have to rest, and they told me they’d try and take care of issues with my school, but I’m having fun doing my homework again… I’m globally able to have fun, it had been a long while since…
I have too much energy now that the brain fog has lifted, aaah so many things to do…
I can go out if I ask to but they told me they’d prefer I stay there a bit until I’m stable, so that’s what I’m going to do.
That’s awesome I’m super happy for you!!
Congratulations, keep us updated!
Meds really decrease symptoms dramatically
Try them they will really help
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