My therapist is really really kind and respectful of my unique thought processes, but she has a history of untimeliness. Especially when timeliness is critical.
Normally I don’t mind accommodating changes because with the semester having been over my schedule is almost open. And I know she works in the community and has children of her own in addition to her work as a therapist.
But this time. This time is different.
As a few of you know I was just discharged from inpatient last week. This is highly unusual for me to need that level of care.
While I was there, I left a message for her. The hospital called her. My boyfriend tried to get in touch with her for 3 days. Mind you this is in the middle of the week during her regular hours. I figured she had something going on since she was out of the office Monday but it was unlike her to not return the hospitals calls. It wasn’t until my boyfriend told her that I needed an appointment to be discharged that she responded.
She responded by giving me an appointment after office hours. It worked and I was discharged. I offered to take an appointment within her normal hours. She agreed but asked to call me for an update on why I was in inpatient. I was relieved.
Well I tried to set up a good time to speak. No response. Until today. Complete disregard for the previous message about the call and a request to push our appointment out. Because of inclement weather. My area is expecting a few inches of snow. Nothing to cancel over. I’m a little upset.
I don’t know what’s going on in her personal life that might be causing this but I’m not sure if these are signs she can no longer handle my case. Should I ask her outright? Should I tell her that I can’t take the slot she offered me in place of our scheduled?
How do I approach this? She is waiting for my response.
I’d go ahead and talk to her before making the appointment. Then, if her reasons are satisfactory, you can make the appointment. Maybe it was something really out of the ordinary. On the other hand, if there isn’t a just cause, find someone who can meet your needs. You deserve someone who can devote time to your care.
I’ve had not just one, but two different female therapists, in two different states, order me out of their offices, for no good reasons before. Leaving me dumbfounded. I’m now afraid of female therapists.
Planning it out ahead of time should help. If I have to confront someone, I usually rehearse it so I don’t get too caught up in getting upset. Maybe jot down a bullet point or two to go over so you have it handy and can say everything you planned on saying.
Great idea. I responded by saying that we can reschedule but before choosing another date I’d like to speak on the phone. I’ll put together bullet points tonight.
Don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself, though! You have to be your own advocate, and if you feel like it’s not going to work, please find help elsewhere. If you’ve just gotten out of the hospital, you can’t afford to wait. Good luck!
I had a GP write me a letter that was signed by every single doctor at the practice telling me that I was not welcome there anymore. I don’t know what I did. To this day, I’m terrified that my favorite doctor (my pdoc) will leave me.
I’m so sorry that happened to you, @Happy_Heather. That must have felt just awful! Now, I only have male therapists, and I make then promise not to order me out of their offices. Maybe you can do something similar with your pdoc, @Happy_Heather.
One time I had a therapist who triggered me on purpose to see “how bad my ptsd really is” and of course I was super emotional about this and it pissed me off then she was like “why are you being so hostile? If you don’t calm down you need to leave” so she threw me out and I didn’t want to come back so yeah that sucked. But I reported her practice for that ■■■■■■■■.
Wow! How terrible! I have avoided therapists since my last one. He was a pdoc but would schedule you for a full hour every week to talk, only he could prescribe meds because he was an MD. I was seeing him when I had my first hallucinations. I was flipping out when I talked to him and was crying and shaking as I recounted my experience, and his response was to call my husband in to discuss how my “behavior” has affected my family. I stopped seeing him and found my current pdoc. She is great. I haven’t seen another therapist, except for a family therapist with my husband to discuss ways to deal with our daughter.
I spoke with my sister on the matter and she helped to ease the anxiety about this phone call.
I’ve decided I’m going to respectfully “confront” her tomorrow. (but really just ask her what the heck is going on.)
I understand, she’s a person and I don’t really hold her to any higher standard than her profession calls for, with a little leeway to account for “life happens” type situations. I think this was probably a life happens situation, because the inattentiveness in this situation seems out of character for her. It’s unfortunate but if its something that will be ongoing for her, Ill ask blatantly if she is able to continue providing a therapeutic relationship.
If she lets me know that she just forgot about me or otherwise gives the vibe that she didn’t act professionally because she didn’t take me seriously then I’m going to ask for referrals.
If she lets me know that life happened and she wants to make it right then i will Use it as an opportunity to tell her the things I’m uncomfortable with in her practice. And to get past this.
I’ll have to update you all afterwards. In the meantime, I’ll be getting together talking points as suggested.
My therapist used to cancel on me all the time, because he viewed me as a low-risk patient, and wanted to give my time slots to people in higher need. I had a frank discussion with him about how I need my appointments in order to maintain my level of recovery, and ever since, we have been fine. I was very scared before the conversation, but it went better than I expected. I suspect it will go better than expected for you, also.
Maybe I should mention this as well. I’m quite sure she sees me as low risk because I don’t have outbursts and I tend to explain things in a way that she feels she understands.
She called. And things were definitely cleared up. Thanks to you guys we now have a better plan in place for next time. It’s was multiple events that lead to this particular outcome but mainly that the hospital didn’t have the correct contact for her. After the call, i think she also has a better idea of my shitty character which sucks but will help me in the long run. All in all, a VERY valuable use of the call. Thanks guys.
My T hasn’t told me this directly but I know she does this. Only once have I contacted her while in the midst of a panic attack because she always says to contact her if I’m ever afraid or panicking… She didn’t respond for hours and I managed to calm myself down and get home completely on my own.
I realized what was happening and neeeeever contacted her again in a panic.