Adjustment Team?

Well, let’s just say I didn’t read the book or watch the movie, but I sometimes feel like I’m obsessed with Philip K. Dick and his books and films. I really don’t have an idea what it’s about except the vague, overall concept, that there are things or “people” manipulating our reality for some unknown reason or benefit. I’m not trying to cause a rift or controversy, I just want to tell my story and talk about some of my strangest dreams or experiences as of yet.

I’ve been having what I think are very lucid dreams that are so real you can mistake them for the daily reality we all experience. So real that it’s like sleep walking yet you’re sort of awake and aware. I think I’m a very interesting person and have a lot of great, although strange, ideas. I feel like I have a lot to say and talk about here.

Basically, I think I died like two weeks ago (not sure on the exact day) and that I came back alive thanks to the ‘adjustment bureau’ for lack of a better term. It could have been longer for all I know. 6 months, 6 years? I have no idea.

Basically, I’m stuck repeating my life over and over again and only I have free will – I think. We might be living in a computer program, but I don’t care – at all. I really don’t. I’ve learned not to care about simulation theory or aliens or whatnot.

I sometimes go against my gut instinct because talking is therapeutic despite the threatening thoughts in my head that tell me to shut up or else. As someone with slight paranoia, I worry that I’ll reset someday. If I reset, I’ll go back to like 2010 or 2011 – I think. I’m not sure on the exact date. But I’ll have to relive the worst experiences of my life. The worst of the worst psychosis. This has happened millions or billions of times.

I believe in freedom and freedom of speech. I believe I live in the greatest country in the history of humanity.

Before I went on psychiatric medications (Vraylar and Cymbalta), I started thinking I was an immortal. And that I did die and either I resurrected in a slight, but different parallel universe or that the greys resurrected me and that they are tired of me and are freaking pissed off at me and want me dead. I’m scared of them.

I feel like I have psychic dreams when sleeping or that I have recall when I’m awake and thinking or even smoking some cigarettes.

It’s like I can time travel or go through different dimensions or universes while asleep. Stuff that should be theoretically impossible even for a super advanced alien civilization.

That my past is being manipulated so A) I can’t remember or B) I had no past C) Something else.

I sometimes have thought I was a machine or something.

I sometimes doubt that I have schizo-affective disorder because there is no physical proof of the condition, just observation from a trained professional. I sometimes doubt mental illness even exists, that maybe it’s something else like a virus, aliens, or the polluted environment and the food and drinks we consume. That my diagnosis keeps changing and no-one has a freaking clue what I have. That I have serious doubts about it. People say it’s because I drank energy drinks or took supplements. I can’t even remember my life before 2010 or something. It’s like I didn’t exist or reality didn’t exist.

It seems like my mind can ‘access’ technology or something when I’m thinking or dreaming. Like I did see a video of myself on my computer with aliens and such and other stuff, which made me think I used to be a computer simulator, ie someone running this machine that we call the matrix or reality.

I obsessively think I was cloned countless times and that I think about the Illuminati too much, that it’s a conspiracy theory with no evidence and that they are bad people.

On a positive note, I stopped watching conspiracy stuff months ago. I tried alternative platforms like twitter and youtube but it just didn’t work out. I feel like I can’t make it sometimes that the odds are against me. I feel like I have a lot of important, original ideas but because of who I am or because of my ‘delivery’ or lack of fancy or flashy equipment or graphics, I cannot get a following.

I can only relate to two groups of people: the autistic people and the schizophrenic ones.

I have a grandiose delusion that I was one of the smartest people on the planet (lol) and that I need adderall because of ADHD or some ■■■■■■■■.

That I’m a test-tube baby or was grown in a lab. That I was experimented on countless times.

I keep having these stupid thoughts (obsessions) that I have schizotypal autism or some ■■■■■■■■ that doesn’t even exist and that it was an ‘artificial’ disease that was given to me through genetic engineering in a past life for unknown reasons like to increase my IQ or something. And that I have a photographic memory for certain things which is why I can recall stuff no one else can.

I constantly think about the TV show “Westworld”. I freaking love it. I sometimes think reality is sort of like that. That we’re just biological machines or puppets inside a simulation or something. I do have some vague memories of such things but I also have some information that counters this idea.

I also think about aliens like reptilians and that I may have a little bit of reptilian DNA or something. And that some people I’ve met while sleeping or dreaming are actually reptilians…

I don’t mean to trigger anyone. I hope everyone is doing alright. These are my legitimate thoughts and concerns.

I think I plan on seeing a psychiatric nurse in a couple months or something instead of a psychiatrist. I’m moving up in life.

I sort of feel embarrassed posting this crap. At least I’m trying to be real, I guess.

Thank you so much!

Are you in a therapeutic dose of vraylar or are you still refusing that dose ?

I’m on 6 mg of Vraylar and 120 mg of Cymbalta. I feel no discomfort with my thoughts.

1 Like

Well if they’re not causing you distress then That’s something. Those beliefs are way out there though.

Were you ever on a med whereby you didn’t believe these things ?

I agree.

Not really. Only Vraylar works for me. I think I’m totally fine. I just have strange beliefs and thoughts. I look and act normal.

1 Like

Yeah I’m a bit of a hypocrite as I have some very unusual beliefs myself …

1 Like

Sounds like your strange beliefs arent bothering you which is a good thing. As long as you learn to live with them and they dont hold you back its ok.

As long as your beliefs aren’t distressing you or interfering with normal day-to-day functioning I really don’t see a problem with them. I don’t really have too many unusual beliefs and find yours interesting…it seems like a very rich tapestry of belief that must make your life very interesting. I kind of am jealous cuz my life is so dull in comparison.

This topic was automatically closed 7 days after the last reply. New replies are no longer allowed.