When was your clearest moment in your life? Like when the sea of junk, or head circus was calm? I can explain a moment. It relates to exercise since I had just finished a session of HIIT on a stair stepper. This moment felt so calm in the body. I didn’t feel any urges. Impurities. Insecurities. I just kept nodding my head slowly and embraced my moment of clarity.
i remember clearly i had just moved into a rental it was situated on a steep cliff face, over looking a valley .
i was standing on the very edge, there was a fall of about a 150 feet below me.
my mind went blank, it was the first time i could not hear anything and so far the last time.
it was really a beautiful moment, for a few seconds i actually felt normal.
My moment of clarity actually came to me the other day while sitting with my occupational therapist. She was busy typing away on the computer as we talked about my goals in life, both present and future. It wasn’t a very nice feeling given that the result of the typing was only a page and a half with bullet points and maybe five actual topics.
Since then I’ve had minor moments of clarity that are completely opposite of what we discussed and leaning more towards a darker nature in terms of thinking.
When I realeyes that I was unluck. Just think of all those unchought schizophrenic liveing it up
This morning it was quiet till I called my voice out by thinking about it mimicking people.
When I was on my current meds cocktail and had my first productive and symptom free day, just like schizophrenia wasnt even there. I cried uncontrollably, it was like I had woken up from a bad dream, and I realized that none of had ever been real, that it was all in my head. I then went to sleep and woke up completely normal feeling again, and that began my recovery.
Right after and during a max effort set while lifting, I feel clarity. I cant explain how clear things are when I set a new personal record. It’s real progress and real moving forward.
Guided meditation always makes me feel like cooked spaghetti. Everything was a trip. In a good way. Really calm and zen. Then this one time I took an anti anxiety, a yellow and blue one, prescribed to help me sleep. That one time, and only that first pill, I felt what normal people feel like. It was beautiful.
Often when I wake up from my deep sleep in the morning. I enjoy turning on my laptop and having a cup of coffee while reading texts on the Internet in the total peace without any disturbances from the passing traffic and automobiles.
I’m noticing a theme with exercise bringing on clarity. I’ve had a few days of symptom free non-Sz normalcy when I was young. If I tell either of them, it will sound too mushy.
But as an adult, recently… two and a half years ago when the meds were right and I was getting out of the wax shell of negative symptom… I found my surf board. I was thinking of selling it since it had been so long, since I was convinced I couldn’t do it anymore, but my kid sis asked me to go surf one last time just to make sure.
Being out in the cool water on a warm day, about two miles off of shore with only the sound of the ocean… There weren’t many waves, but getting out there and paddling around, getting the muscle memory back, and simply being back in the wide open space of the ocean just stopped my head circus cold. It had no clue how to ruin this small and amazing moment.
Now when I am out in the ocean, my head circus still doesn’t know how to act up. It’s so quiet and calm and I can concentrate and I have better coordination in the water then I ever have on land.
I would love to do that surfing, but I am a bad swimmer. I tried once some water skiing in Devon, England in 1984, but it was very unsuccessful. I am just not good in waters.
I have to admit, I’m a little bit envious of your bike rides, I’m not good on land. I can surf, but for some reason, riding a bike is hard for me.
Surprised J how long does it take you to swim two miles off shore? Are there any currents? I just think that’s a long way to be off shore if your not in a boat with a propelled motor.
In a 25 yard swimming pool; 1,650 feet is a nautical mile and that is 72 laps. That takes me about 20+ minutes to swim. I’m not that fast. I’m even slower in a drag suit. A fast swimmer can do a mile in well under 15 minutes.
I’m on a board and that helps my speed. When I wear my wetsuit that helps me float more and that helps my speed too. In about 30 minutes I can get pretty far out there. On a calm day, if the current is in my favor, the tide is taking me out too.
Then it’s more work to get back in. That’s why you want to find the wave that brings you back.
No matter how good I think I am, or think I was, or any of that ego… I will never under estimate the ocean… She WILL win every time. I don’t surf alone. None of us do. Never have… never will. Those “lone surfers” are more nuts then I will ever be.
Nice description J I understand it better now. I never took my kayak to the ocean but I want to, just a little afraid. That seems like it would take a lot of endurance. But then I heard about Diana Nyad swimming from Cuba to Florida.
i was got too young to have had a moment of clarity…but i remember what it was like not to hear voices though. the inner peace after a day of screeching and laughing and crying toddlers and then night comes and the house is quiet, save for the tv. it would b nice to watch tv again but i can’t coz i hear all their voices so it’s not worth it. it would b nice not to hear voices anymore but no med i have tried has gotten rid of them. i think i’ll hear them for the rest of my life to be honest…which is a shame but there u go.
Are you sure Jayne your “voices” aren’t just your inner voice? My inner voice the sane one. Are are those uncontrolled voices you hear? My med combo treated all the “ill” voices. Its not too late to discover whether or not yours can be treated as well.
i’m on haldol at the minute, trying it out. the dose isn’t high enough yet to make any difference so we’ll c. thanx for caring xxx
Haldol u must also be taking cogentin, because haldol can have unwanted side effects its an older typical. I was on it one time it worked but wasn’t the best one for me. Finding the highest therapeutical dose with the least side effects is what to go for to treat those voices. Good luck
I was doing some reading up… if you take your kayak into the ocean, make sure to have an ocean/ open water kayak. I had a feeling there were different types. I had no idea that river kayaks and ocean kayaks were so different for very specific reasons.
Enlightenment…when I overcame the torment of the devil through prayer, meditation and fasting and then started hearing the voice of God. Enlightenment.