A wishful rant

Do you ever feel like the audio hallucinations have a tight grip on you, meaning they never want to leave you alone because they find you odd. I tried so many medications but the voices never seem to subside. They always want me to be thinking about that past and specifically about one guy. I feel like they’re getting high on my life.
“you got to act a certain way, or else.” is on repeat in my mind. They want me to be nice to them but how can I when I’m so bitter. Bitter about the idea that they have always been mentally repressing me and my growth in this world. How can I swallow my pride and be their toy, a toy that doesn’t fight back? I wish there was a way to create good by arguing and not submitting to this entity. I want schizophrenia to know that it can’t be hurting us like this. We are not puppets but entities with a conscience to grow and develop peace.

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Yeah, I have periods where the talking is practically non-stop. Other times it could be a few comments a day, an hour, or maybe silence for a few months at a time. It’s super frustrating when it’s constant. Arguing with the voices hasn’t helped me yet, but sometimes taking a break for a moment, doing something else, and then switching back to what I was doing before helps.

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I try to ignore my voices as much as possible.

The more I interact with them. The more power they get.

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I have the same problem. My voices are superegotistical and mean/abusive/controlling.

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I can’t tell about voices, i never heard them.
I can tell you in this context a story that happens to me, years ago.
I was sitting on my bed and saw a shadow coming thru the closed door.
I came in big fear, it stands there without moving.
I shouted loud at this shadow to leave my room.

The shadow gone and i was happy, i felt big, very big that i could control this “ghost”.

A few days later i lost my mind completly, i got in my first psychosis.

Why i write this?

I don’t know.

I didn’t see such an illusion again.
Only a shadow of a little dragon flying around me last time.

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Yeah and we comment to ourselves that we’re mad, but that doesn’t help.
Hopefully sometime I could see it as a sort demonic Force.
For it’s courses me great anxiety saying I’m mad hourly

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They used to before I stopped taking them seriously. Now they are just background noise to tune out.

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are you only experiencing psychosis or schizophrenia? that’s strange that you don’t hear voices but also great.

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Did their personality ever change?

At first the voices claimed that they were people i had once met. Then they became a homogonized animated voice. Long story.

Yeah now its basically one voice

Jeez that’s scary.

I’ve got thoughts without voices @raccon if i look at this exactly, if you understand, can’t take it exactly in words.
Perhaps my “Voices” didn’t learn to talk or cant do this.
I think for me i’m a wrong diagnosed autist with some psychotic episodes.

Sometimes “they” take my body, i was very irritated the first times, watching yourself what you’re doing.

Good question raccon, thx

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