Feel like my voices have the power to make a day start of as good then turn nightmarishly bad. They have the power to control my thoughts and physically alter my feelings and appearance. I try to remain strong and positive despite all the odds. Want to get control of my own life. Voices fight with me for my attention how to gain more control over my body and mind. Don’t feel like myself.
i had a very rough morning. the voices instigated me at 10 or 11 this morning. i tried to block them out but they were just too damn much for me. i got agitated and the staff had me take some ativan and sit in the dayroom for monitoring for an hour. i am under a lot of stress trying to transition to the new world after being inside a locked ward for 15 years.
2 Likes
Hi jimswag,
Hope your adjustment to the new world goes well. Thank you for your reply, it must hard to get used to the outside since you’ve been in a locked ward for 15 years, that’s an awful long time.
thank you for the reply. i have been hearing voices for over 25 years, and only in the past 5 years has medication been able to tame them. i am sorry see121 that you are having difficulty with the voices too. they are a real pain in the rear.
They only have as much power as I give them, which is none.
10-96
I don’t hear voices anymore. They dwindled into delusions of reference, like put-downs from people, and then disappeared.
Hi Jimswag! I hope and pray that you can latch on to someone or something for an anchor out here. It’s rough out here, but I know it can get really rough inside a locked ward too.
Good luck and more power to you, jimswag!
1 Like
thank you mondello. lots of nice and understanding people here. that really helps to change the idea that schizophrenics are an angry mob of unhappy and irate people. nothing but kindness and sympathy here. ive only been out since friday. my life is in upheaval but i am very slowly getting a grip. right now it is all about planning for the next meal and when to head to bed. to be honest i am kind of scared but everyone here is calm however no one is very friendly. staff put off the vibe that they are a superior species.
1 Like
I can deal with voices reasonably well if I hear them - which doesn’t happen anymore now that I’m on meds.
When things turned worse I got a lot of inserted/intrusive thought though. For me those were more difficult to deal with. Especially when literally everything on my mind is entirely intrusive/inserted or voice hallucination - when there is no normal ‘me’ left. That’s frightening, for there is no sense of being in control of any of my thoughts at all. Even the ‘meta’ thinking feels like beyond control. While typically, I run these metathoughts all the time to keep hallucinations and mildly inserted thoughts under control. So when that coping mechanism fell away I was at a bit of a loss. My metathoughts seemed to be endorsing rather than rejecting the hallucinations and intrusive thoughts. Quite frightening.
This only happened when I was without sleep for some 50 hours or so. I could only deal with this by passively observing it all. As long as I get a good night sleep it is mainly voices and they can be monitored, but they are able to keep me from sleeping… Since that episode I got some sleeping pills just in case I seem to be heading towards skipping a night - but will probably stay on AP’s for the rest of my life as well.
When I wasn’t doing so well… a few of them had the power over everything. They kept me all to themselves… I was so afraid of everything… the voices just kept tearing me down… they fed my delusions… sometimes they would physically hurt.
Slowly with meds and therapy they began to fade and became just running commentary.
My meds got pushed up again… and they are mostly gone… unless I’m not doing well or having a bad day… but it’s easier to ignore them.
Well I know what you mean…I have had those things since birth (young child)…anyways what I did is I simply USED THEM…I CHALLENGED THEM…trust me when I tell you…((to whisper is to yell))…However If you can manage a 24hr day of meditation (all day no food or drink) to induce mental fatigue …and if you keep your tongue at the top of your palate to stop or slowdown saliva production…sit up against a wall (beginners) put a pillow up under your tail bone to slowdown blood flow stoppage…put on music with NO LYRICS OR VOICE LOOPS… (preferably just static sounds from high volume speakers to hinder ambient noises)…and take a trip into yourself.Now for me what it did was it helped me put a SPACE between them controlling my arms and ADRENALINE production…(i would move by myself…like having a knife in my hand and not remembering when I picked it up…lol) So now,when they (them) are agitated I simply have to go the bathroom or away from the prying eyes…and have an intellectual discussion with them on how we are going to move forward (from whatever topic)…BUT IF YOU SAW ME TALKING TO THEM=it would look like I was just relaxing…Look there is no cure and meds only band aid the problem …because to me it isnt a problem its a BIG RESPONSIBILITY…to have all these people (in my head) HELPING ME…yes they used to tell me to kill (when I was younger) but I recently found that out by studying different languages.!!..yep they were screaming in my head IN DIFFERENT TONGUES…lmao!!! thats probably the only reason I DONT HAVE A RECORD OR NEVER BEEN IN JAIL OR PRISON,NEVER KILLED ANYTHING BUT BUGS…lol!! Trust me…if you do what I suggested…and you end up staring back at yourself while meditating then youve done it RIGHT!! Cause thats what schizophrenia is to me (being born active with it while a child) its YOU having a problem being inside YOU …thats my take on it anyway…