Schizophrenia.com

A long time ago

I was in court whilst awaiting a diagnosis. (The movie my Dad is watching on Netflix reminded me of this.) The judge asks the doctor if I am a danger to myself or others and I don’t remember what he said and I don’t think I understood it. In fact, I don’t think I remember any of it. I just remember being locked up like a prisoner for hours before and after being in court when all I was there for was to fight the petition that put me in the hospital. And since then, the hospital has changed hands so I can’t be sure I can get the information about my diagnosis from them. I’m pretty lost.

sounds scary 15

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I’m sorry you had to go to court. Sounds unpleasant and not something you deserved.

Yeah that’s when I started to learn that mentally ill are the same as criminals to them.

How are you going today @Apathy?

Going where? Do you mean how am I doing today?

yes how are you doing today? sorry.

I am doing swell, no need to apologize. How are you?

I’m doing well thank you. Are you trying to get medical records from the hospital?

I was but I haven’t for a long time. I think I lost the ones I had. I’m not sure what I did with them. I just want to see how I’ve changed.

I gotcha. I’m sorry you had to go to court. That would have been scary.

I know a lot of people would have been scared. I was almost scared they were gonna forget about me in the lock up and send me to prison. I was starting to get pretty delusional and losing cognitive ability inside the cell. Reading things on the wall. I was in there for entirely too long.

And after all that, the judge sent me back to the hospital for another 2 weeks. And all there was to do there was watch T.V. Couldn’t have visitors because the hours were so crappy. And I had the feeling like many people there didn’t like me.

It seems that way sometimes.

on Monday (thye changed my appointment date for my psych eval) i go to a ward for a three day testing…it happens every year, as per my agreement with the SSA in order to get aid for my meds and keep my Pdoc (my new insurance is not accepted by the office)

But i understand your situation Apathy, ive been there. the first time i was locked up…it sucked Six months of no contact with the outside world. I was actually worse AFTER i got out than when i went in. They kicked me out after my insurance ended and i accused one of the nurses of raping me (i think it was a delusion? She was not very good looking and had a nasty personality so if it happened it was definitely not consensual)

I am having to jump through hoops to get my records from that hell hole…thay don’t want to give them to me, but the ones i have are incomplete, even though they said it was all of them, there are entire PAGES missing from the doctors notes, it will end mid sentence on one page and start with a whole new sentence on the next that they gave me. All i know is that the doc mentions chemical castration on one page but the next page is missing so i have no idea if they followed through on it or not…