A discussion about conversations

DX'd - Other
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I’m really trying to consolidate my tactics for living with this illness at this point. Last night I made a post more about the philosophy that I’ve found most suitable… there was one thing I felt inclined to leave out. That is, how to converse normally with people even in the face of great confusion and suffering.

It sucks to put your needs on someone, to be dependent on someone else to maintain sanity and connection to the world. I’ve had to do it. It’s what makes this site such a great place. I even went beyond that and blathered onto the normal folks to extract sympathy.

I have many people on here I consider good friends, it’s really sad, but I had to find at least a couple friends in the real world that really sympathized with my suffering. It sucks, it’s a subtle blight on my mind that they have to associate me with my pain. That when they think of me they might sorrow and concern… it’s very selfish to do so. Unfortunately I had to do it. My mother refused to really picture my illness. My brother get’s freaked out if I really talk about it. Both of them are sympathetic, but they ignore that I needed someone else to really understand what I was going through. Then I found the two that really get it, they probably had all along… the only thing is they’ve had moments where they’ve really winced at the description of my psychosis. For some reason it really relieves me to have seen that, since recognizing it I’ve never truly felt alone in this. However, I owe it to them now to learn to hide my illness and have positive normal interactions with them… over time… I’m hoping to have the dissociate me from being a suffering being and re-associate me for who I am… the shreds of my old personality are starting to come back together, and the only way to complete that is to learn to speak simply.

I’m looking for pointers here. How to talk normally with folk. Just general guidelines… these are the ones I’ve come up with.

Leave the illness out of it.

Speak out of curiosity, not just totally the desire to communicate.

Make sure to listen and be patient. You really want to understand what people are telling you, not just how the first glimpse of sz mind interprets things… read, reread,… and don’t get carried away thinking you know what they are talking about.

Let them guide the discussion. True friends will want to talk to you.

It’s tough to find the right people. The best way is to not need anyone. To learn to be alone. Over time friends will reach out just to see how you are doing…

otherwise spam the crap out of the forum here because we’re all committed to helping and desensitized to the trauma… We have more experience in understanding SZ folks, regardless of where they are with their illness.

Not every single person needs to know you are suffering. Very few are going to be able to help you.

Speak simply and of simple things… try to be entertaining and entertain. Show them you appreciate their friendship occasionally…

Anyone else have anything to dispute or add… this isn’t my most well formatted post… but I took a zyprexa to get some sleep last night and my mind feel sluggish and I just wanted to spit this out there.

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yeah, good.

I’ve always thought most people talk like the person they are talking with, unless they are just general statements like we sometimes do on social media.

that’s why you’ll never see a teacher, lecturer, or preacher talking with you, and letting you discuss, and many times they let us if we do, by negating what you’ve said for sake of argument.

It doesn’t all have to be an argument.

And these people most times are talking AT you, and not with you.

It’s hard to be on the same page with someone.

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Yeah if you want to talk at someone you could ask “Can I use you as a sounding board for a few minutes here?”

They’ll likely say yes and then you can share you ideas in a more dominant but accepted fashion…

I thought I was a good communicator before… but I’m realizing there is much more to learn. So much so I don’t think I’ll ever keep it all in my head. Which is why I tried taking to a more simple guideline…

I’ve never been a fan of small talk… but keeping ■■■■ 100% serious isn’t good either… I try to let the more fun-loving types determine when things get serious… and just try to keep my bs in my head unless prompted. Wasn’t always the case, but I’ve vented enough at this point.

Also… I don’t know if I said it up there. I’m an overly analytical person… most people don’t want the burden of the obsessive and analytical… it’s good to learn to constraint the tendency to over analyse…

If you are a serious and analytical person… (I know I am)… expect to talk less to folks… you’ll find people who are analytical too to compare notes with… but keep it reserved else you’ll seem like a know it all or a dominant ■■■■■■■… There is nothing to prove to anyone… you don’t gotta be smart all the time (even if you are). It’s better to blend on the outside and be yourself on the inside.

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I get the feeling you do both, analytical, and bringing something fresh, but down to earth.

I’m not sure if I was majorly disappointed in myself when I moved back this small town, from a college town, my vocabulary dropped a whole 10th. :slight_smile:

I’ve always found people that have to try real hard to be smart, and convincing, will do it to extreme, and if you do it to extreme, trying to be so right, you suddenly become wrong.

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Yeah and why bother in the first place… As soon as you are seen as smart people will dislike you… it sucks… that was well phrased daze.

and thank you. I find it a lot easier to communicate on here basically on all levels… wish I could bring that into the real world. So that’s what I’m going to work on.

Gotta keep it simple.

To bad I’m mostly bored regarding most things unless I’m learning something… but learning to socialize properly is learning a thing… maybe that bit of logic alone will keep me interested.

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When we had Occupy Wallstreet here in my area, there was guy leading it who was so created by what it had to be, and I guess you can call that vision, but he was product, you know what I mean?

Let me be clear, he was Black Ops.

I develop trust easily, but also, cut through decisiveness that makes me leery.

I’m mostly all sides, my main fault.

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I’ve given up on most of my worldly goals… except maybe to explore it a bit, but it’s kind of still unforeseeable…

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Don’t give up.

What I meant by the last statement, is sometimes a person in charge will be to controlling, and forced.

When I’ve been leader, I gave it back.

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yeah balance is important in social exchanges… let whoever seems to need to speak the most speak the most…

it’s easy if you like to listen…

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that’s not say we have no sheepole, but motivation to effectively change has never come with a power structure, and it’s too ironic, that the whole movement, Occupy, became it’s own power struggle against power.