A chink in the armor

The overwhelming majority of the time, I have this under control. Tonight I was a little exposed, and it stung.

I went to karaoke with my wife as we sometimes do, and it was psychological hell. No psychotic symptoms, but more like shame. I felt shame.

The people we link up with at karaoke were there when we got there. We have our own entourage. We are friends with the DJ, and a little clique of us go and hang out with the DJ whenever he does a gig. Anyway, none of them looked up when I walked by. I stood next to the DJ’s girlfriend’s father (one of the entourage) for about 2 minutes and he didn’t look up. His wife didn’t flinch. No one looked at me, and I was suddenly hyper-aware.

I got frustrated. You see, it wasn’t just that I didn’t make the first move, but they all perked up when my wife walked by them as they sat at the table. I felt the lack of welcoming, and left the room and went outside and called a friend on my cell phone. He and I chatted for about 35 minutes. I touched base with my wife back in the room where the music was, and she said she wanted to leave soon (it was getting brisk and we forgot jackets).

As we drove home, I told her how uncomfortable I felt. I expressed to her how I felt like a fish in the desert - totally out of place. I told her I’m done with karaoke and that whole group. She asked when we should have a house warming party since we just moved in to our own place about 2 weeks ago. I said “Never, I don’t want all those people all in my face.” Went on to tell her I don’t appreciate being made to feel the pariah when I’ve been nothing but nice to these people.

I think a large part of it is they’re my wife’s friends. Her and them go back over 30 years. They barely know me. It is easy to say that they don’t know me that well, but my wife is like a daughter to them, and they’re making no effort to get to know me. I think I’m done.

That brings me full-circle. I felt ashamed of myself. I’m overweight, I can be sensitive, I’m not great in social settings, and I am not good at figuring out how to fit in with others. Maybe that’s it - I sleep half the day away, I have a lot of needs I have to meet on my own as far as answering to myself for the regressions in my life this illness causes, and I feel generally unwanted by everyone except my wife.


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Well try not to let one group of people discourage you from getting out and trying to make real friends, when/if you feel up to it. But yeah they sound like snobs based on what you described.

If you’re uncomfortable, you’re uncomfortable and you shouldn’t force yourself to be in situations that don’t make you comfortable.

Maybe if they’re your wife’s friends you can be her friend and try to get along with them for one party, for her sake, if you feel like you can’t do that at all, than don’t do it! It’s not the end of the world.

I too am backing away from a few rotten apples and I feel I’m under appreciated and a cleanex to a certain friend. Like it’s not enough I live with sz I have to help her at every little drama she has in her life every freakin week or even days.

If it’s uncomfortable and not doing us any good why the hell stay for it?

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Don’t give up on the whole human race just because a few rude, insensitive, immature, idiots treated you badly. The situation you described here makes me wonder what was really happening. Why the cold shoulder? Did you make them mad somehow? Or is it because of your disease? Not everybody is going to like you and sometimes there’s nothing you can do about it.

If you’re going to stop hanging around this group, I would go back to them one last time and ask them what is the problem they have with you. Maybe It will make them squirm and make them own up to their rudeness and maybe it will make these clowns feel exposed too.

If they simply say they don’t like you because of your mental illness than screw em, you’re better off without them and then go find other ways to socialize. If they say they don’t like you personally for some reason then screw them again. It’s a big world and there’s plenty of other people who will appreciate you and treat you right. Good luck alien.