I drove delivery yesterday before the eagles game. At the very end of my shift i think i messed an order up. It triggered paranoia. It wasnt bad. When i got home i watched ten minutes of the Eagles game but was feeling really on edge. I was nervous to be around my dad. I kept thinking he thought i went to the bar. So i went to my room. Big mistake. I got caught in my own thoughts and ended up getting super paranoid. I couldnt breath right. I kept thinking i was going to end up in the hospital. I did fall asleep at a decent time. Usually im up all night. But when i woke up i was still paranoid. It took till 8:30am to feel better.
Today is recovery day. I feel nervous. But also OK. I never get paranoid two days in a row so at least ill be okay today… hopefully.
Yeah. Loads better today. Although im anxious today. For example, my dad is on the roof cleaning the chimney and im picturing him falling off and breaking his neck.
Im doing the opposite of occupy myself. Im just laying down on the porch swing. I dont really feel like doing anything. My brain feels like mush today after getting so paranoid
I do CBT. It doesnt really help. If i catch my paranoia early enough i can watch tiktok until it fades away. But if i dont catch it in time i cant watch tiktok or it freaks me out more. Eyes freak me out when im paranoid. I feel like the videos are watching me. I only get paranoid once or twice a week. Its not 24/7. It just lasts a really long time when i do get paranoid.