So stressed I am ill, it's been two weeks now

Health and Recovery
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These last two weeks I have been so stressed out I couldn’t eat, felt like I hadn’t slept in a day, and like I’m coming down with a cold or flu. Constant pains and overwhelming need to cry but for some reason I keep shoving it back (which is weird, every time I do it I feel 2x more sick)

It all started with a movie I was binge watching. I had become so emotionally attached to the characters, that when they died I felt an overwhelming graving feeling, and my body disconnected and I thought I was the main character (who is a girl, I am a boy), that my friends had died, and I was a cannibal (usually I have recurring delusions of being a cannibal or serial killer, but don’t worry it’s more of a fear thing than something I would actually do. The things I’m scared of I usually hallucinate). This shook me up so badly for the last two weeks I have been severely anxious constantly, having to take multiple breaks a day to keep myself from having a panic attack, and so overwhelming hungry I have to clench my stomach. I get pains in my stomach and body whenever I keep shoving down my emotions. I keep getting the horrible intense emotion to cry, but for some reason my body keeps rejecting that and I get scared, making me feel more ill!
I usually get muscle spasms when overly anxious, but now when I want to curl over and cry I will get a whole body spasm and I go back to “normal”. What is happening? Why can’t I cry? How do I fix this?

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I strongly suggest you go to a doctor with these symptoms. They sound pretty scary.

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I just did today! Thankfully it’s just medication withdrawls, and it will subside soon

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This exact same thing happens to me! I never learned how to properly express my emotions due to a lifetime of abuse, so instead, my body gets physically ill. I’ll throw up, run a fever, get a sore throat, but it’s all somatic.

It took a lot of work with a therapist, but I don’t get sick very often anymore. I had to learn healthy ways to experience my emotions.

Some tricks I’ve learned:

One thing I have to do, several times a day, is check in with myself. I say, “What happened in my day today? How do I think that make sure me feel? Okay, then I’m going to feel that emotion.” And then I give myself ten minutes or so of guilt-free emotions time. This was very hard to do at first. I couldn’t make the emotions come no matter how hard I tried. But, over time, it got easier.

when you’re feeling sick or shaky or whatever, try to levitate something with your mind. This sounds really silly, but I swear it works. You already know you won’t be able to do it, so you can’t get frustrated for failing. But it forces your brain to concentrate on something other than the pain in your body, and lessens it for a while.

Allow yourself to take breaks and pamper yourself on days when you feel good. For me, getting sick was the only time when my body could take a break from the million things I was doing every day. I found that if I actually relaxed and vegged out for a while when I was healthy, my body didn’t need to invent an excuse to make me slow down.

And, most importantly, actually talk about your problems. Find someone you trust. A therapist, or a relative, or a friend. And tell them what is bothering you. Find multiple people, if you can. Get your thoughts out of your head so they’re not overwhelming you anymore. It also helps to keep a journal, for the times when nobody is around. This forum is great for that, because you’ll find multiple people who can all relate to your experiences.

Getting on the right medication helped me a lot. If I remember correctly, you’re under 18, so your medication options are rather limited.

Biofeedback/neurofeedback therapy also helped me a ton. It is totally non-invasive, and relaxing. You just wear a sensor on your head and do something fun, like watch a movie. It automatically trains your neural pathways to respond in healthier ways to emotional stimuli. I’ve been doing it for twelve years and I love it. It can be expensive, but many practitioners will offer scholarships, or charge on a sliding scale.

CBT is similar to biofeedback, but without the cool machine. It trains you to use thought exercises to work your way through delusions, emotional crises, and paranoia. It is cheaper than biofeedback. You can even do it on your own, through a workbook.

Sorry, this is kind of long. I hope you find some of it helpful, thou(h.

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Wow, that was really helpful! Thank you very much, I will look into the biofeedback therapy

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