Sometimes I feel like sadness is rushing in me and I feel terrible, but a lot of painful, terrible emotions (including my dog dying) just feel so cold- I just feel so emotionless. I sometimes feel like I’m turning into a sociopath from a emotion-filled, caring person. It kind of scares me.
But after being hurt constantly for years I just feel like nothing makes me happy anymore. I just feel flat all the time and I can’t feel anything.
After all I’ve got nothing to lose. I lost everything except my family and my dog.
I don’t even care about being hurt anymore. Everything is pain. My life is pain. Life is terrible.
Sorry @anon40973946 for going ghost on you- school semester started and I was really busy.
We’re working on getting one but the waitlist is long. But my mom knows how I feel right now. She knows that I’m exhausted from pain. Unfortunately my body is not cooperating with me right now.
Sociopaths have plenty emotions, especially anger; they just don’t much care about other people’s emotions. I don’t think there is any danger of you turning into a sociopath.
What you described sounds like dissociation. You have this wave of sad emotions that is overwhelming, and then your brain shuts down and goes numb so you can survive, and not be sad anymore.
The problem with dissociation, as you’ve noticed, is feeling flat. When you shut out the sadness you also shut out the happiness. The good news is that this is reversible, I have recovered nearly all my emotions.
Yeah, I have really bad anhedonia so it really sucks to not be able to feel joy at all. I’ve been depressed for so long that it’s really hard to feel happiness. I feel a little bit of happiness when I draw, though.
I am not sad or emotionless anymore but for sure my emotions are less intense and alive since I got sz. Idk if its the sz or meds, probably both though.