My first step!

Health and Recovery
1

I’m literally crying about the fact that I’m ill. This is the second time I’m realizing this. Why is the second? The first time is when I was diagnosed - the first time by my psychiatrist and in the hospital as well. The second time is today. I was not thinking rationally before - yesterday and a day before yesterday etc. I was out of reality. Yes I was psychotic. Yes I told many nonsenses. Yes I feel shame about this. Yes I’m sorry, I really am.

Thank you everyone and my parents as well for noticing me and convincing me I’m ill. Thank you for showing me what is real before it gets too late. I got really scared when they mentioned hospital. So I took my first pill today - my first step. It was really hard to take this step, believe me. Well I know it takes a while when they actually got into my system again and do their job. I was off the medicine for about 10 days. Yes it was really great at first but then I got confused and I start being out of reality, I didn’t realized what was going on since today. So I strongly recommend you no matter what - do not give up taking your medicine, no matter what because to go back is really hard.

They brought me to my psychiatrist today with no appointment (it’s the policy - if it’s important you don’t need to make an appointment). So my psychiatrist told me for what I did, I damaged my brain and go back to the stage where I was - is going to be difficult (considering the fact that I was not fully ok with the medicine), they will probably (no sure yet) prescribe me with more medicine. I don’t want this but I don’t think if I have another choice. The next appointment is at the end of this month, so I will be sure what’s happening only then.

I’m still struggling with accepting the fact that I’m schizophrenic. Everything still seems so real to me. It’s so complicated to explain. People who are really sick will understand me.

So I’m asking you to forgive me for what I told.

6 Likes
2

We were worried about you,
Welcome back! :smile:

1 Like
3

Thank you!

I’m still worrying about it. What if the next morning I wake up and start thinking the same - again. I mean the medicine is still not in my system. And I’m still paranoid and hallucinating etc. I just know that it’s not real tho it’s hard to believe it’s not real

4

Did you speak with your psychiatrist about that?
I think that you could ask your parents to watch over you and control that you are always taking the meds or you could ask to be hospitalized until they start working if you are unsure…

5

No no no, no hospitals, I really don’t want to go there, never ever again. I will take my medication as prescribed, I don’t want to but I will.

Yes, my psychiatrist is aware of what was happening so he told me to take my medicine and hopefully I will go back to the point where I was. Unfortunately, I’m going to be put on more medication.

6

It’s okay, we all have our moments. If you look back through my old posts, you can find a few threads where I was convinced I was a demon who sucked the life and goodness out of people. I like to go back and read my crazier posts whenever I feel the temptation to stop taking my meds. It helps me to remember that I would really be quite sick if I wasn’t medicated.

2 Likes