I hope everyone doesn’t mind, but I’m new to this forum and I would like to share my recovery process and my story. I would also love to hear any positive feedback and anything that has helped any of you!
I would like to already apologize for the long post!!!
- My name is Stephanie.
- I was diagnosed with Schizophrenia at the young age of 11 years old.
- I was also diagnosed with Bipolar with Schizophrenic Tendencies, Multiple Personality Disorder, ADD, ODD, and an anxiety disorder.
- Since I was offically diagnosed I have struggled with doctors telling me that the diagnosis is wrong.
- I have been told that I do not hear things.
- I have been told that I do not see things.
- I have been told the voices and hallucinations are all made up.
- I’m a story teller with a vivid imagination.
- I’m too young to be schizophrenic.
- A very wide number of a lot of other things I’ve been told by paid professionals.
- I’ve been in therapy with over 10 different people from age 8-17 until I decided to stop and had my parents full support.
- I was in two treatment facilities before fifteen, one I was in for two weeks after my parents fought to get me out of there as I was being mentally abused. I was also treated as a lab rat for medications that all had very negative affects on me. The other I was in impatient care for an entire year before they violated one of my rights and I was taken out by the state.
- I have been off of medications for over a year now.
- Before anyone asks why I am off of medications and tells me all about the negative affects I will tell you this… I had a very traumatic childhood with all the doctors and struggles of trying to find someone to actually care for me like a real doctor should. I have learned through countless struggles how to control my own thoughts, emotions, and actions without medications or even meditation. (I will share more on this later in the post.)
- I’m currently 18 years old and I’ve encountered complete strangers, who only know the surface of what I’ve been through, who are more inspiring and informative than therapists or doctors of any kind.
- Even though a lot of the time it’s incredibly hard to control the hallucinations and voices I’ve learned to controlled them a very small bit without struggling too bad.
- I was BLESSED with supportive parents through all of this because I seen kids throughout treatment who were aged anywhere from 10-18 whose parents abandoned them…
- I’m happier than ever, and I have been in a relationship for almost three years, we are engaged and high school sweethearts.
I would love to hear from all of you and how you have helped yourself in your struggles. I’ve heard so much about how this disorder effects everyone differently and I have never met someone else with it so I’m very curious and a little scared to see what everyone has to offer! I will also answer any questions anyone has for me!
Thank you for sharing your story.
I still have no courage to go with no meds because I don’t know yet what triggers my dellusions.
It took a lot of courage for me to come off of my medications and for a long while I debated going back. I am happy that I continued to work hard to stay off of them. In my opinion the medications I was on were not working, they made me a zombie. I couldn’t feel emotions, positive or negative ones. The struggles I have encountered have been well worth it because I feel much better now.
To be completely honest I know that not everyone reacts the same to medications and I fear that people will take what I shared out of context and try to go without medications and make themselves worse.
@Stunned You seem to have pretty negative opinions of medications, doctors, and therapists. Medication and therapy are typically the treatments of choice for folks diagnosed with sz/sza.
Yes I do, because all of my experiences have been negative I do honestly see it this way, for a long time I had a fear of going to see a doctor for anything because I have never met one that viewed me as just another person. I had plenty of labels set on me by doctors. “Crazy” - “Overly Imaginative” ect…
Being a medical lab rat made me terrified to taking my medications. I even had to be in a locked room for over two hours with nobody to talk to and they wouldn’t let me sleep until I agreed to take my medications at one point. When my parents fought to get me taken out of the facility they tried to file a lawsuit and the doctors had won the ruling saying I was “unfit” to interact with anyone until I had taken my medications and they “llost” all the records of them switching my medications almost every other day and it made me very sick to where I could barely eat. In two weeks I lost almost 15 pounds because of it…
Edit: I am very sorry if any of this came off negative or rude- it is not meant to be!
When I was on meds, I almost collapsed again. I’m on olanzapine again and it makes me fat. That’s the life. C’est la vie. We need to kill a lion everyday.
I am sorry to hear that, I hope you feel better someday and find a peaceful middle ground you can be happy with.
Don’t worry, I’m getting better .
I am a lot older than you are but I have learned I have to take my meds the hard way.
I wish I could handle my psychosis without them. But it’s just not possible.
You are lucky that you are one of those that do it without medications. When I was unmedicated I tried to commit suicide because I believed my death would save people. I found a medication that works pretty well for me with the only major side effect is that I’m asexual now.
Ithe was a very hard road learning to function without it. For a long time the voices and hallucinations were so bad I didn’t sleep for almost four days straight… It was horrible…
I’m sorry that is the case for you, I’m afraid people who dont know if it will work for them or not will try it and make themselves worse…
My brother also recovered from Schizophrenia and hasn’t taken medication for years.
I’ve tried going off my meds but usually I can’t sleep without my meds and the voices get really evil. I’d take anything to make that evil voice go away (or at least get quieter).
Also I forgot to say this but welcome to the forum. I hope you find a lot of support here.
Thank you very much, I’ve never met anyone else with it so it’s interesting seeing people who deal with the same stuff that I do and understand. Something I’ve never felt before is the feeling of belonging and it’s nice.
I’m very sorry to hear this, I wish you the best on your long road.
I’m curious as to how you keep it all under control…
Honestly I guess you could say I brainwashed myself? I kind of taught my mind in stressful situations to just… Stop I guess. The very first Counselor I ever had taught me when I start to panic or go into a schizophrenic “episode” to count down from five like this:
- Look around and find five things you can physically see, not a hallucination.
- Find four things you can physically touch.
- Find three things you can physically hear, also not hallucinations.
- Find two things you can smell.
- Find one thing you can taste.
It easily teaches your mind what is real and what is not. I still use this when things get out of controll. The counselor said that her daughter who was emotionally unstable but not sure if she was schizophrenic or not used this and it helped a lot.
I kind brainwash me for the negative symptoms. Everyday I read some phrases that help me deal with people.
Do you mind if I ask what phrases you read? I used to keep a notebook I filled with happy inspirational quotes and that helped a lot as well.
Some of my phrases in English:
- Once a social weird, always a fighter;
- I’m afraid of being judged, but I can remember moments of success when I talked to someone;
- My family loves me and helps me;
- I’m a good reader and I’m able to learn;
- A talking is like a soccer match. You can ask to enter the game and, then, start passing the ball.
Thank you for sharing this, I actually really like these.