I am sitting with a little dilemma. My husband would prefer to have a child, but I don’t really. I would want a child, but I am worried with us both having an illness, it would make things difficult. I am worried about how I would cope as a schizophrenic mother.
I am almost constantly depressed and fearful and lack motivation in life, its often so hard to keep going. And I have phobias about sicknesses, and children have them a lot. I don’t know how I would cope because I hate germs. At the moment I dread having to nurse sick children more than I would love to play with healthy children. Its crazy. I have no experience of babies as I was the youngest in my family. I don’t know if I even have a maternal side to me, I am a very aloof cold person around people, and children I am not very fond of being around, as nice as they are.
Another problem is that my husband suffers from epilepsy and has seizures where he goes unconscious and falls to the ground. Sometimes he injures himself. I have to drive him around as it is dangerous risk for him to drive, and that is difficult for me and him both, because I hate driving and have to do it and he loves driving and can’t do it much. If we had a baby, that meant every time he needed to go out I couldn’t stay home but would have to lug the baby about and take him/her everywhere in the car with us.
So it’s a big challenge to have kids and I wonder if I would cope with it without having another breakdown and needing hospital again. Are there any schizophrenic mothers on this forum that can say to me they have coped ok with having children? How did you do it?
I have 4 year old twins I had them year before my psychosis. We don’t have any family here so no help at all. It is very very very hard. I had only one psychosis recovered quickly and I am well. The psychiatrist allowed me to stop meds in January 2013. The worst thing in all of that was tiredness I don’t know how I done all of things like weaning, potty training, cleaning, ironing etc. But I did on my own with 2 children in the same time. I should be a superwoman. I had help from husband during night time because on meds I sleep like a stone he also take them out.
I think that if I had illness first I probably never have any children because now I worry that they will be ill. Moreover it is very hard to cope on meds and with children and house chores. In my past I was working with children.
hi Yes, I have an almost 22 year old daughter. I baby sat for babies of all ages all through highschool…so had lots of “baby experience”…As God would have it, the meds they put me on when I got pregnant worked perfectly and kept me stable throughout my daughters young life…However I had a lengthy hospitalization for back surgery gone wrong when my daughter was 4 months old and then again when she was 4years old. You have to take into account the trauma little ones suffer when their mom is absent due to a hospital stay… My daughter was very demanding and needy. She has several diagoses and has been hospitalized twice (but not for SZ…not yet anyway —I pray not ever)
I do not really like children. However I LOVED my daughter but even so,now when she is an adult, I am closer to her than I ever was…It sounds like you have some SERIOUS issues --with both of you being sick…what if you are in the hospital and he has a seizure while caring for your baby? Raising a child is REALLY demanding.I am so thankful to God for the drug he gave me that works to mostly control my SZ
You also have to consider the fact of finances.Children are expensive…I don’t know anything about your situation but if neither you or your husband is bringing in much money…well, you have to consider that as well. Honestly (ad this is just my opinion) it sounds to me like you have way too much in the way to want to be a mommy. Try to explain it to you husband like you explained it to us here. Good luck and may God grant you peace in your decision whatever it may be.
hi there i think only have a baby if you want it more than anything else in the world
not just because your partner wants one. im schizophrenic and not having children because im not social enough you have to do the school run talk to teachers go to sports day and all that stuff which would totally freak me out.
do you like dogs? my dogs are my babies lol
This is a good topic, very relevant for me. I think I may someday want children but not right now. I told my BF back when we first started going out that I wanted children, then I went through 2 rough years. He said thank god we hadn’t had any because he wouldn’t know what to tell the child if something happened to me, like another hospitalization or suicide attempt. It makes me really sad because he’s right.
I just reread what you wrote saddiqah, it sounds like you already know in your heart what is best for you.
its funny because im sure many of us gals would be worlds best mothers if it wasnt for schizophrenia my problem with it is that i wouldnt be able to get up in the night because of my meds and i have some anger issues im working on not a good mix with babies plus im not social enough to teach them anything but anxiety.
I really want to have kids. I feel like it would work out too, because my family is supportive.
I used to help one of my brother’s ex girlfriends how to get over her phobia of frogs. I just showed one to her and tried speaking in a calm voice. With germs it helps if you realize that they are a good thing to be exposed to. Your immune system strengthens itself, so that you can avoid dying from super bugs(antibiotic resistant bacteria).
it sounds like you and the others are right - better not to have a baby. I do not want a baby more than anything else in the world. I do like dogs yes, but in Islam they are not allowed to be kept as pets because they are seen as ritually unclean. religion religion religion blah blah blah. But I prefer cats and birds anyway. I have a little budgie 
budgies are awesome a parakeets are great pets very clever too!
wishing you all the bestx
I have four children. While I was suffering from psychosis I had my children. They are grown now. One is leaving for the military and the other one is off to college. My eldest lives with me and we are helping in raising our grandchild. The next leaves for college next year. I did the best I could with a husband that was constantly deployed by the military. The past eleven years I have been medicated. For a year now I have been on medicine that allows me to function during the day. I used to sleep with all the other medications all the time. I know it made for a crazy household with me fighting every symptom I had. I tried my best to not let the symptoms overwhelm me and drop in to a state that I would not come back from.
Having children is very hard for anyone - you get very little sleep for a few years of your life when your kids are very young. Its exhausting and very stressful - for anyone. Key things that help are having family support (parent’s, or other close friends that can help and give you a break when you need it).
I would recommend reading these documents:
Preventing Schizophrenia
I decided with my husband against having children. I 'm now on the Pill again. Its for the best, because I don’t want to have to cope with it. Life is difficult enough. I never wanted kids anyway.
I like not having kids. Some awful things can happen them as they grow up.
That is the very perfect reason not to have one.
Sz or Non-SZ if someone WANTS a kid then I think they will be a very good parent. There are some women on this forum who have kids and I admire them very much for how they manage both their symptoms and their family.
But there are lot of NON- Sz people who had children they didn’t want and then we see them on the news for all the wrong reasons.
I’m a guy but I WANT a child. I raised my kid sis fairly well I think. I could raise another child now that I’m older and know more about it. I enjoy and value kids. The idea of diapers and crying and all the rest doesn’t bother me at all. But I know that I am not like everyone else. Not everyone shares my views.