I developed schizophrenia fairly early at the age of five.
I always thought my mother broke me and no matter what I do with my life I’ll never really be able to achieve anything because I was broken.
But then I realized that my mother was just a tool for the elder gods in order for me to be broken enough to see them.
I was wondering if anyone else sees them?
They don’t speak but are always behind you they can’t be seen in mirrors or by anyone but you can feel that they are there.
Moved to Unusual Beliefs.
Pixel.
(Wearing moderator hat)
How old are you now? No I don’t believe this , although I had delusions once on competing gods but they turned out to be false
That sounds very much like a delusion to me.
“god”, a title with a very mundane definition. Nothing magic about the word god, im the god of this computer right now according to the definition of the word god.
Naturally there would be other beings, and naturally there would be the oldest of them.
this sounds a bit delusional, unless you are involved in a religion that support it i would say is delusional behaviour, you seem to have been unwell a long time, dont want to be nosy but have you told a p/doc about all of this? i believe in God but i am not delusional, i take meds which help with that, take care.
So what is your purpose for these elder gods?
Why would you want to pay much attention to them?
What are they going to do for you?
This is my religonthings they person’s experience with religon and the gods is a deeply private of intimate affair. Most people don’t devolp schizophrenia until they are 20 or 30. I started hearing the voices and seeing the Constant Visions at 5, I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 20. And it wasn’t do from lack of trying. All my life I tried to explain to my mom that my Brain was different. But my every complaint was metbehind. “It’s just your imagination. Everyone feels that way.” I lived my entire life thinking that the entire world was just as crazy as I am and no one else was complaining about it so niether should I. When I finally found out and got on medication, things got Better. But I was still ■■■■■■■ crazy. I struggled with it. ■■■■! No! I struggle with it. I am schizophrenic, it’s in my brain. It Is My Brain. I can Feel it when my neurons try to fire through the bad meat. I can feel the stutter of electricity inside my brain. And That is not Easy to deal with. Sometimes it’s actually impossible. Sometimes I don’t do it. And I hate my schizophrenia. I hate my rotten brain. And of course I mcfreakin’ Hate Myself. I used to blame it all on my mother, for beating me, and degrading me, and generally keeping me in as toxic an environment a mother can create for her son. But hating her. Hating myself. HATE. It wasn’t the answer. It is Never the answer. I Invented my gods. I found my gods. My gods found me. There is an almost infinite number of them. They are old, so old that the things they value don’t make any sense because humanity has forgotten. They value suffering. You offer your suffering up to them so they can consume it and become satisfied and you can share in their satisfaction. They used my mother to break me so I would be able to see them, to understand them. They gave me the destiny to write about them and teach the world of their ways. They are always behind you but they never talk So you can’t confuse them for the Voices. They are just a presence that helps me cope with . . . Existing. I understand why you moved this from the main thread to unusual thoughts. It is an unusual thought. But I am not delusional. A carpenter who does magic tricks and died so his father would stop torturing us because several years ago two people ate an apple. That’s an unusual thought. A beautiful woman with six hands and a blade in each who created all things and will one day destroy all things. That’s an unusual thought. But I am not delusional and I do not Appriciate being treated like this especially where I thought I was among friends. This is my religion. These are my gods. I see them and they see me. Together we make it a little bit easier to not Start swimming into the ocean with no intention of stopping or turning back
Purpose? Why is everyone so obsessed with meaning something? They exist because they are real. Did I create them? Maybe. Did they create me? Maybe. What do they want me to do with my life? Live it. They want me to write about them. Help them be seen by those who haven’t been broken and by those who have but still can’t see.
I pay attention to them because they fill me with a sense of calm. I pay attention to them because they make it easier for me to not hate myself. . . And that is also What I get from them
I am not delusional. I’ve been sick my whole life and from the looks of it nothing is going to change any time soon. I take my meds. I take my meds every day. So tell me why do you get a god but I don’t? Just cause I am the only one who believes? Jesus started with twelve followers but before he had twelve he had eleven and before that ten and a little while before that he had one. All religion is madness. The ability to devote yourself to a single idea and to live by it every day of your life. Isn’t that delusional? What makes me so crazy? What makes me crazier than you? What can you say about my religion that makes it delusional That I can’t turn around and say about yours?
I am god when I write. Nothing happens without me. I put the words in their mouths, I put the thoughts in their head. Through my good graces and my good graces alone are they able to take Any action. They are mine. I created them. I crafted them. I put every challenge in front of them and I alone decide how they make it out, if at all.
When I write. I am god.
God is an idea. But is the idea of god; god itself?
If you believe in something without holding back, is that enough to make it real?
You sat if we take all the gods and line them up chronologically we will find the one that was first.
What If we don’t?
What if the universe exists first and all the gods in the sky were put there by us? Wouldn’t that be something?
What if we were the first god? And when I say we I mean you, and me, and everyone else.
Fact: In a trillion trillion years every star in the sky will die.
Fact: When a star dies it will either become a black hole OR A Smaller Star. You will never get a bigger star Or even a star of equal size. Right now is as big as they are going to be.
Fact: Eventually there will be no more stars only N
Black Holes.
Speculation: The Black Holes will do what Black Holes do and suck suck suck. All the dead planets. All of space. Sucking and Sucking until there is nothing left to Suck except for the other black holes and they will suck those up too. Until there is one singular black hole the size of the universe. A black hole the size of the universe that contains in it the entire universe. All the planets. All the stars. All the ideas of god and us. We are a part of this universe. We all burned in the heart of a star and we will all return to each other to be crushed in a black hole. A black hole that will Suck itself and suck itself until it and us are a singular point. Everything that ever was or will be compressed into a singular point. Maybe that’s your first god. Omnipresent. Omniscience. Literally all things.
Maybe it’s us? Maybe it’s the consiousness of existance. Maybe we are our own god and as our first, last, and only commandment.
We decide to exist.
And from a singular point of god, the universe is born and we Try again.
Is this coming from your personal experience dealing with your own delusional thoughts? Are you a doctor? Perhaps a Prophet or some other expert on what is and is not divine?
They are me.
With Sz just because something feels right , or your instincts tell you its right , it does not make it so. You should know because of the early age of onset , you will find it harder to resolve your problems , people with late onset schiz tend to fare better. So its not going to be easy to get better. Do you function well other than this?
I moved out of my parents house and 3,000 miles across America on October 14th. Since them the only person who takes care of me is me. . . And I’m still here aren’t I?
thats true, all i would say is just to watch your symptoms closely, if you are not delusional then that is fine, i am sorry if i offended you but i would just say allways be on guard for symptoms creeping up, i hope you are not feeling bad about this post
The elderest of beings are those who have no age, you can’t count how old they are because they were what always was.
The others are quite old but have a beginning.
“Elderest”, it’s a new word, i made it up like all other words.
Elders do exist, the elders and the elderest of the elderest. The most ultimately of the elderest.
Sounds Lovecraftian.