Acting like a fool on Thanksgiving

Today my brother, sister, and step-father came over to help me clean and pack for my move tomorrow. As we were working, my sister found something in the closet. She handed me a folded piece of notebook paper and said “It’s a note from Mom”.

I was shocked and had no idea what it was. Then I read it. It was her side of a conversation we had while she was dying of cancer in hospice. She could no longer talk and had to write down her messages. I read the words and as soon as I realized what the note was, I burst into tears. It was such an unexpected shock, like a bullet. I could read the desperation in her words and lost all control. I don’t mean a little crying, I mean blubbering, full on waterworks. I couldn’t stop.

My family didn’t say a word, they just silently continued working. I must have looked like quite the fool. I have to admit that for a little while I just wanted to die. If someone would have had a gun, I’d have begged them to shoot me. I was so consumed by sadness that I wanted nothing more than to be gone.

The note sits on my desk now. I’m afraid to even touch it.

This Thanksgiving sucked ass.

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I dont think you acted like a fool at all. It is normal and human to react the way you did. It is apparent that you loved your Mom a lot - totally normal reaction. May she rest in peace, I am truly sorry for your loss

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Aww man, sorry you had to go through that. I can relate…one month after my mom died, I got a surprise present from her on Christmas. My dad had hid it. Waterworks, just like you. I hope you are able to rebound and press forward with your move. Moving sucks. Sorry you had a crappy day @Malvok, I truly am.

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you shouldn’t be ashamed of grieving the loss of your mother! you wouldn’t look like a fool youd look like a human being with a soul. put the letter away your not ready for it now open it at another time when you feel a bit stronger. john lennon said he was only truly able to heal when he let himself cry I say ■■■■ that macho ■■■■■■■■ that men don’t cry etc if men don’t cry they end up emotionally retarded. your mother wouldn’t want you to be upset shes say strive to be happy even tho im gone tc

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you showed that you missed and loved your mum…and your family gave you the space to grieve…there is no shame in that.
’ to love someone is to touch the face of an angel ’
be proud that you felt this way…
treasure the note don’t be afraid of it.
take care :alien:

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Grieving has to happen. We’re not at fault for being human which means grieving when appropriate. You would be a fool not to grieve. I hope you get feeling better and I am sorry for your loss.

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I’m sorry for your loss and I hope you get through this. We’re here for you😇

Dude, don’t feel bad. Something like that would make a blubbering cry baby out of me too. I feel for you. I don’t know what I would do without my mom. Sorry you were embarrassed by your crying. You’re only human man. Give yourself a break !

I know that I’ll be crushed when I lose my parents. It is normal and healthy to mourn. I am so sorry for your loss. The holidays are hard.

I agree with everyone else, don’t feel bad about it. You miss your mom, I can’t imagine what it’s like loosing a parent, my Grandmother on my mom’s side died from health complications in 2001, it was hard loosing her. Then my Grandfather on my dad’s side died in 2006. My grandfather on my mom’s side remarried and she passed away from pancreatic cancer I think in 07, but the date could be wrong. But it doesn’t compare to losing a parent. Your family probably didn’t say anything because they felt the same away as you but were trying to keep it together themselves.

Sorry to hear that mal.

It’s not foolish.

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I went through something similar, My Nana passed away in July, and I blamed it on myself because it shortly followed a trip to the hospital for me where I ended up in a coma for 3 days, and I know the stress took a lot out of her. Some family came over tonight, and I had to have some drinks to be able to socialize w/out making things awkward and when I would leave and come back to the living room, I thought they were against me…I know they love me though, I just don’t understand what conversations are really implying sometimes. I made a small shrine to feel like my Nana was w/us. Guilt, remorse, and confusion have flooded me as well.

I’m sorry that happened Malvok. Grief doesn’t lesson it just gets buried under other things. For a moment it poked it’s head out which is ok. Nothing to be ashamed of there. I hope you feel better soon.

Sorry that hit you hard. I’m sorry it hit you on a Holiday you were looking forward to. I would have cried too. I can only imagine how deep that got to you.

It’s not foolish to grieve someone you loved.

I hope you feel better soon.

I don’t think its foolish at all to cry after finding something like that. It may have sucked to have that happen on T giving…but it wasn’t anything like someone getting drunk at the family gathering and falling off a platform to grovel incoherently on the floor. I had a family member who actually did that and he admits he was a fool that time, or ‘foolish’ I think was the word he used.
Big difference…

I cried a few times after my Mom died and i found something or read something at her house…but I was alone so no one saw.

i’m so sorry for your loss; deepest condolences.

i agree with others that it’s more than understandable that you were so deeply moved by the note. i can appreciate not wanting to be so emotional/lose control of emotion in front of others though, too.