Symptoms have been acting up. Not sure why. Didn’t sleep at all last night. Everything has felt incredibly surreal all day and I was very lightheaded. The antibiotics I’m on for my illness cause all food to leave a horrible after taste in my mouth so that hasn’t been pleasant either.
I can feel positive entities all around me, they usually come when my brain gets loopy and they help me get through the day, thank god. They were the ones who were trying to help me fall asleep last night because wow I don’t know what was going on. I got really sick during one of my classes though for unknown reasons, I felt myself blacking out and had to leave in the middle, it was pretty awkward. I don’t think that’s related to the psychosis, but it was concerning. I feel better now.
Then I had band, which of COURSE launches my anxiety up. Sometimes (a lot of times) I’m embarassed at how the littlest things really shake me. I’ve been in band for years, I shouldn’t get spooked anymore. There was an error in the class roster and I found out that I’m first chair flute! Which is really cool because it means I get a lot of solos. And is really terrible because it means I get a lot of solos. I was so nervous sight reading today, my arms were shaking and I messed up on the dumbest things, I can tell the rest of the section is unimpressed. Sigh. I can’t give up though because I need to learn how to push and challenge myself.
Anyways I’m still in the twilight zone mentally right now…hopefully things go back to normal soon…it was kind of cool though because as I walked and watched the snow everything seemed incredibly bright, and the snow was glowing different colors in time with the music I was listening to. I feel like I’ve been on drugs all day, but I haven’t. I’m totally rambling now sorry, just feels good to share.
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