Pans disease.
Yeah like post apocalyptic, I would just call it . 70 million or The 1%
âI always felt like I was differentâŚI always thought that that was gooooooooodâ - Some obscure violent femmes song I canât find a good version of on youtube but was gonna post hereâŚ
I feel like itâs a conspiracy against people who give a ----- about life. All I know is that I cared and the more I care the more painful it becomes, and to realize I live with a broken mind and still have hope that Iâm going somewhere after I die.
I have not given it much thought exactly. I was going through something a couple years ago where occasionally for a month or two, I would think, âWow, I have schizophreniaâ. I really have schizophrenia". And I kind of thought of my old friends who i was close too. and my life growing up. I was not the most normal guy growing up. But nobody thought I was mentally ill. But I thought how much it would freak out the people I grew up with. And what a stroke of bad luck it was to get this disease. I donât dwell on being schizophrenic. I canât ignore certain symptoms but I donât sit around thinking of my disease. Itâs not the main focus of my life.
I donât believe those with the symptoms that would get them an Sz or SZa diagnoses are just 1% I base that one the fact I have known many people who hear voices and see visions, as well as other symptoms like paranoia, inability to function well in society, grandiose delusions or other delusions, who DO NOT have a diagnoses because they do not go to doctors. Then there are the ones who end up going to doctors but for whatever reasons choose to not reveal the symptoms that would get them the SZ diagnosesâŚthey end up with bipolar or PTSD, or social anxiety instead. My late wife was one such person, also my best friend as a teenager who didnât even go to a mental hospital till he was in his 40s, yet as a teen and in his 20s heard voices, had visions and was very paranoid.
So with all that i would say in reality itâs more than 1%
And some are able to make it by, work odd jobs, and just be eccentric, isolate from most people, etcâŚ
Iâm not sure what âpercentageâ of the population I would have qualified into had I not gone crazy. I already identified and cavorted with eccentrics, outcasts and whatnot. I mean anyone can find themselves with this illness. Iâve found that most people with schizophrenia have some trouble relating to my âpre-onsetâ life. Itâs not as if I was âJohnny Genericâ before my onset, nor was I mentally ill in my youthâŚI wasâŚwell I never fit well into any categoryâŚI was many things I suppose.
So no when I realized Iâd gone crazy it wasnât too much of a shock to think that this set me apart from othersâŚI was used to that already. What was more of a shock was when my closest friends dumped me like yesterdays trash for letting myself be diagnosed and believing I was crazy rather than what Iâd always beenâŚdifferent.
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