I have this friend I have known since my school days so 18 years. I find him interesting and funny and since we have known each other for so long we have shared interests, we are on the same wave length. The thing is he’s a thief. He has stolen from me many times. He has stolen my bank card and emptied my bank, he has stolen my door key and let himself in and stolen my computer, he has brought items on credit in my name and had them delivered to his house. We don’t discuss these things. When I mention them he says ‘people are always judging me by my past and don’t give me a chance’ this makes me feel uncomfortable because I don’t know what to say back to him. When we talk about old acquaintances he talks about how he stole their bank card and memorised their pin and stole all their money, he has no shame and that makes me feel bad because he’s done the same thing to me. I think to myself if I did that I would feel really guilty but I think he don’t. I don’t trust him at all but when I told him that he was offended saying people don’t give him a chance etc but I know he would steal from me again in a second if he could. I suspect he has stolen from me again because when I checked my credit report his old address was on my report plus I got a debt letter for £100 for some pots and pans which I didn’t buy, I’m too scared to ring up to see if somebody’s used my credit because I want to think he’s changed.
I don’t know what to do? I like him and we have a good time together, I don’t want to unfreind him because I will feel bad for disowning him, I think he’s not all bad. He has hardly any friends because he has stolen from them too. I’m not isolated like I used to be and have a good support network but I’ll feel bad if he feels bad
Do you think that is a toxic relationship? What would you do? Unfriend him? I don’t think he’ll let the relationship fizzle out?
@bobbilly I think you should get rid of this “friend” and find friends who behave.
There are lots of people who are suitable to be your friends and won’t steal from you.
You should also consider reporting him to the police.
I agree with Erez. Sounds like a bad egg. Hit the eject button on this relationship, but do it safely. Maybe find people you trust to advise you on this situation.
Its without doubt definitely him. When I lived on my own he mostly came around on a Tuesday when I received my benefit money, we would just get really drunk together, every Tuesday. One the Monday before I got arrested for drunk and disorderly and the next day when I got released and went home my laptop and monitor was missing, it was the only expensive thing I owned. He knew I was at the police station and I think he came to my house to look for my bank card (back then 7 years ago you singed for purchase instead of using a pin) because I had my bank card on me he stole my computer instead. Also last year I accidentally left my iPad mini at his house signed into my credit catalog account and he assessed it and spent £200 on kitchen stuff without my knowledge. He’s stolen from me many times.
I think he’s friends with me because he likes me? But I feel uncomfortable because he’s done many bad things towards me, he’s got a tempter and has assaulted me in the past when we’ve both been very drunk, one time he assaulted me and I rang the police, instead of him getting arrested he told the police I threatened him with a knife which could of gotten me into trouble, I got searched by the police that time, There is all sorts of other things too. But he can be very nice too
i guess my reply to him when he starts talking about “giving somone a chance” would be along the lines of:
show me something you have done to change. if you want a 2nd - 10th chance, and are truly sorry then what have you done to make amends?
if someone does something they apoligize and tries to make it right. They do this even if there is no more chance for a friendship. The point of that is they never meant to inflict the damage on you that was done or deeply reget it. They would already know that if they were you - they would not forgive either.
I know his thievery was no accident, but haven’t you ever done something by accident ? even something small like step on a cats/dogs tail? It hurt, you never meant to do it, they screamed, and you felt bad for a minute? would you take it that back if you could? you would not brag about it?
yeah. its like that.
I know your friends with this guy, but for me, I would find him too disrespectful.
Do you think I should tell my social worker about the debt letters I have received demanding payment for some pots and pans plus lots of late charges. He know a lot of perennial information about me and has set a account up for a catalog company? Should I tell my social worker, I feel really hurt.
from the way you show such in decision, i wonder why? is this person holding something over your head? is he doing something for you that is important like a ride to work? giving you a place to live? paying your bills?
if he is holding something over your head, then talk to the social worker. See if you can get her to help you replace what he would take from you if you refused to see him again.
I hope he is not holding something over you. your social worker may help.
call the catalog company and shut that account down. if you dont want to say it was him tjen just say you dont know who it was. if you think he will do it again then getting your social worker to help would be good. What happens if you get bad credit? Honestly you dont know for a fact it was him away. (do you?) so it is ok to say that.
The only way this guy is going to change is to get worse. Do you have a car? He might steal that and sell it to a used car dealer. The more you get the more he is going to steal from you. You have to let him go. He’s bad news for you.
He holds nothing against me. The only thing that really bothers me is that I scared he will make a accusation against me which is has done in the past, plus I don’t want to hurt his feelings. I’m actually in a really stable place, quit drinking and changed my life around and feel much better in myself, I now value myself more.
I have wrote my social worker a email asking him what I should do.
I’ve known people like this. They will use emotional blackmail to make you their slave.
Eject if you can, he doesn’t give a care about anything but himself. He’s sometimes nice, well sometimes serial killers help old ladies cross the street. Everyone does good deeds from time to time, they shouldn’t be given a pass for doing things that ought to be expected of them.
It sucks and is painful when you eject anyone from your life, but I believe this person needs to get out of your way. Tell your social worker about all of it, they need to know before this scum really makes your life a living hell. Find good friends, and if you fail at first, eject the next scum to try and butter you up and try again. Learn from this most importantly.
I’m sorry if this all sounds too harsh or demanding, but I have a personal dislike of blackmail in general, and emotional blackmail is particularly insidious.
you just simply tell him you no longer value your friendship and please don’t contact me again. That’s it you’re done, don’t answer the phone if he rings you and don’t open the door if he knocks. PERIOD that’s it! no more.
My old friend emptied my bank account out as well although he did pay me back he never apologized and that apology could have saved our friendship. I forgave him but I’m not going to forget and I only forgave to help myself rather than give him feel good feelings. I kicked his azz to the curb.
This guy sounds about as manipulative as they get and he knows his craft well. So personally I wouldn’t remain friends with this guy. Btw was he kind enough to bail you out of jail and pick you up?