She hasn’t done a school assignment since March 5th. She’s only in 9th grade. She says she wants to drop out. My husband and her mom have tried everything to get her back on track and nothing is working. I suggested therapy but her mom is against it. Why she’s against it I’ll never know. I don’t have the authority to make decisions for her so I’m feeling pretty hopeless.
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Has she been recommended for evaluations for learning disabilities yet? In my experience, an unruly teen who sneaks out, experiments with drugs, and ignores schoolwork has a learning disability 95% of the time, and being treated for it can have a huge positive impact.
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She hasn’t been tested for a learning disability. Actually, she’s always been a straight A student on the honor roll etc. she was tested for giftedness but that’s it. We stopped the drug use by buying at home drug tests so she can’t get away with it anymore. I just don’t get it. She’s got 2 parents who love her and give her everything she needs. It’s really mind boggling
Disorders like autism and ADHD are wildly underdiagnosed in girls, specifically because they tend to overcompensate at school, and then isolate rather than explode at home. So as a result parents don’t notice a problem when they are children. When they become teens, they have much higher instances of drug use, risky sexual experimentation, eating disorders, etc. The drug use comes from trying to self-medicate to feel better, the risky sexual experimentation comes from feeling socially abnormal and being desperate for approval, and the eating disorders come up as a result of sensory issues, and a way to feel in control of their own actions.
Hang on, I can find some links to this stuff, maybe you can share it with her bio mom and your husband. Generally, other ND folks (like you) can notice major issues before anyone else does.
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Ok. Thanks. I appreciate it.
Does she have bad friends who push her into drugs? If yes, she needs to make new good friends who don’t do drugs etc
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I would talk to a professional. But what do I know…
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I actually think she’s the one doing that to her friends now. She used to be friends with an older girl who got her into smoking weed. When we found out they both got in trouble and the older girl ditched my stepdaughter. But she had been clean for months now. We drug test her at home regularly
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Thanks so much @Ninjastar!
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I hope it helps. It could also be like depression or anxiety, but in my experience kids don’t just suddenly decide they don’t care about things they used to care about. More often, they feel inadequate and hate being faced with possible failure every time they try, or they have WAY bigger things going on in their life that leave them unable to concentrate on school. Since her home life is pretty stable, my money is on the first one.
I read the article on ADHD and I definitely think it sounds like her. I’m going to show it to my husband
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The good news is, ADHD is one of the most easily treated disorders out there. People respond positively to the medication very often, usually without big side effects. There are also a lot of safer meds out there than traditional stimulants, but even those are pretty safe if they are properly used.
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Starlet has been really struggling with school this year, also. He is usually a straight A student, but because of covid he is in the 70s and 80s. Most of the coping skills he build up for mamaging his ADHD in class have not worked well for home learning.
I dropped out of HS.
But I had a job.
In your daughters defense Hs is not for everyone.
Idk, I wish my parents had been more open about getting a GED and other opportunities in life.
IMO u should be supportive of what ever she chooses.
GL
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