People say I look good,
but I never felt really pretty.
I always felt like people are lying… mostly, I feel so after psychosis. Like, I feel, that people see I am not pretty, so they want to “lift up my confidence” by saying these lies.
I even remember when I was psychotic I had this delusion that I am the most “beautiful creature in the whole universe”. And the way I saw myself was actually… illusional and different. My SZ made my look in the mirror look totally different. Like, I even had different facial features, and my body for me seemed different…
Aaaand after pscyhosis, after this delusion, I have zero acceptance for me. Even though some days are better, some worse. But still, I always feel like I am not enough.
And the whole thing, that I gained weight, feel not so clever anymore makes me feel way more depressed.
Ahhh, don’t know what else to say that’s probably why I made a thread about “plastic surgery”.
Maybe my BPD here plays a role. Unstable image, poor image of self.
I know guys dont typically talk about feel ling handsome but it could be a result of BPD as you say. I dont have BPD but i do have poor self image, it was possibly triggered by traumatic sexual experiences.
Not wanting the advances i recievd as a teenager has shaped me to think im lesser than i am somehow.
I never felt attractive unless I was actively getting compliments and attention from men and even then i didn’t believe them and thought they were just lying to get laid, but then that didn’t make sense because I also thought I was no good for sex.
Now that I’ve matured I’ve come to know my value isn’t in simplistic things like my looks, and sexuality, but rather the total of my being to include all of my personality traits and values, my intellect and passions and everything that has gone into making me me.
I have also learned along the way that most people don’t judge us as harshly as we judge ourselves and that anyone who doesn’t find me attractive is perfectly within their right to form their opinion and it’s really none of my business.
Myself personally do not take a person’s looks into consideration other than to discern if they seem sickly or dirty because I have a little ocd with germs.
It took me years to realize I wasn’t good looking. Every now and then I get called handsome and it is one of my favorite compliments. I always deluded myself that I was equal to my friends growing up but they were all good looking and a lot of time I expected girls to like me even though the reality is I’m not good looking. It took me years to accept it and it always messed with my head when women said I was handsome and also the fact that some really pretty girls went out with me long ago.
I agree with you. What is the most important is not appearances, but what’s inside:
Just so sad that society tries to prove the opposite. That it doesn’t matter whether we are good or bad, what matters is slim nose and huge bust overall thats what I noticed in web.
But in real life… I actually noticed by myself that I fall in love with people personalities.
I crave honest, good, loyal men - and I believe men feel the same.
When you love someone’s personality, their appearance becomes not so important. And if the inner world of person is beautiful, it makes them even more beautiful on the outside.
Well strange, I remember during my teenage years I wanted that perfect looking bf. Now, when I am almost 23, I want an amazing person near me. Then we can rule the world together
I just simply don’t get it, why it’s so hard to be critical and honest with ourselves about the way we look?
There were times when I felt like the prettiest girl in whole school. And because these days I felt very confident, I actually got lots of attention from many different people. It seemed like they agreed with me, that I am very pretty,
But now… i am very self conscious. And I believe I am somewhere in the middle on the beauty scale. Like average looking nothing more.
It’s actually strange, how people compliments can shape the way we see ourselves.
But also, bad words also shape our understanding.
that’s probably why I made a thread about “plastic surgery”.
somehow the bad ones shapes us even more…