Story… when I was 7 I was so convinced I was the Devil, Jesus, God, a doorknob, a lightbulb, a letter, that it caused me distress. I was admitted to the hospital as a result but they never gave my parents any answers and put me on some pills until it went away. Then it came back a few years later. I thought I was Bilbo Baggins from the Hobbit. It was very distressing and freaked me out and made me physically nauseous. At 14 I legitimately believed I was chosen by God to be a messiah, basically, but this time was different. It didn’t cause me distress. Derealization and depersonalization started then. Then when I was 15, I thought the illuminati was reading my mind, I thought a girl I had a crush on was in the illuminati and sending helicopters all over. I also thought she was a reptilian. A few years went by with hardly anything outside of an inner voice (not audible) telling me to do things a certain number of times to avoid something bad happening, which I associated with God and would talk to in my head (not out loud). I’m 20 now and occasionally I still dissociate and believe I am different people, like famous people…it doesn’t happen on command but random. Should I get help? Can you relate???
Welcome @idkwhatiam .
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also I’ll say I get a really warm spicy feeling on the back of my neck when this happens
Hi @idkwhatiam . Back when I was psychotic I had many many delusions. I thought I was a prophet or a combination of the prophets, I thought my food and water was poisoned, I thought that I had a microchip implanted in my brain…and on and on…so I can relate.
I would recommend that you get in touch with a psychiatrist. You can probably get a referral from your gp doctor if you don’t have one. A psychiatrist can properly diagnose you and prescribe you antipsychotics if he/she feels you need them. Yes, I think you should get help.
You kind of picked a bad time to post as the forum is particularly slow tonight. It’s usually more active and you would get more responses.
oh it’s all good. I understand. I’m up late tonight. I don’t know if my problem fits ANYTHING sometimes. I can be looking at a famous person and boom, suddenly I don’t really realize a difference between him or I, I feel like my soul is in him and his soul is in mine. It hasn’t occurred as much lately… like I said I’m 20 now, but for a 7 year old to deal with that is unusual. Sure, a 7 year old has a strong imagination, will pretend their a “dinosaur”, or a “superhero”, but at the end of the day, they know their just a seven year old human boy/girl. I truly believed I was Satan, doomed for hell, the destroyer of worlds. It was distressing. It hurt me. I had to spend a night in the hospital and still GOT NO ANSWERS, and struggled with it off and on down the line. I went a couple years without it, it came back. Do you think this could mean I am more likely to develop schizophrenia? Do you think that was onset schizophrenia? I’m so sorry for my long winded-ness…It just hurts me sometimes. It’s so dark and it triggers dissociation often…
We don’t diagnose people here. We try to leave that to the professionals, but it definitely sounds like psychosis to me. Definitely delusions. Whether or not it is a Schizophrenia or another related disorder is best left to a psychiatrist to diagnose. I would think there is a certainly a possibility that it could be though.
well thanks, your the best. okay I just got one more question, and I’ll stop after that, and IDK if you can answer it…but does TRAUMA cause psychosis? CAUSE I had several traumatic experiences in the hospital when I was a kid, like a toddler, that I couldn’t quite understand at the time.
Yes, I believe trauma can trigger psychosis.
It’s a question that is somewhat up in the air as to whether trauma can cause schizophrenia, but my personal belief is that trauma is a trigger for people with a predisposition for schizophrenia.
ok, makes a whole lot of sense…because dissociation (not all the time, but most of the time) is caused by some kind of trauma. in my case, medical trauma might have caused the dissociation…or something I cannot physically remember because my brain is forcing it out.
Welcome to the community @idkwhatiam - it does sound like you’re suffering from psychosis, but you really need to hear that from a qualified doctor or psychiatrist. Are you currently getting treatment or taking meds for the problem?
well… here’s the thing… currently its not bothering me as much…in fact the last time it did was last year. derealization always does off and on though. I haven’t necessarily had a “break” all these years…but im worried id be on the verge. I don’t take meds or drugs (or even street drugs, that freaks me out), or even talking to a psychiatrist…but I know mental illness somewhat runs in the family. so if it was only really debilitating when I was a kid and teenager and virtually somewhat went away recently, does that mean I could still have an episode and it’s just taking a small “break” before the episode?
Man, I have no idea. All I can tell you was that once the crap moved into my head it has pretty much stayed there. I need my meds to keep it in check or it rolls me in the gutter and takes my pocket money. Seriously recommend talking to a real doctor about this.
yeah that sounds good to me. it’s especially a mystery since it’s so up and down. maybe a doctor would be able to figure that out. no doubt I have “magical thinking”, I’m superstitious. but I’m not delusional that I know of right now. and I don’t see things others don’t. I’m only 20 so I have time to develop it, I hope I don’t, but at this point I think it’s a very high possibility given my history as a kid and teenager.
also when I get this, it feels more like depersonalization and less like a delusion…but it’s still a delusion since I believe I am someone else.
Welcome to the forum! There are illnesses that can cause your symptoms besides schizophrenia. Also, some peoples delusions etc go away and come back later even without meds. You definitely need to see a psychiatrist to determine what’s going on with you.
Welcome to the forum @idkwhatiam
I can relate to having a fragile identity and I think most schizophrenic people have identity issues in one way or another.
In fact it is often considered one of the hallmarks of schizophrenia.
I’m curious - you say you have experienced being a doorknob, light bulb, is it a joke? I’m asking because I have never heard people identifying with material, non mental, things like that and i find it very interesting
oh yeah, I definitely thought I was a doorknob and lightbulb. I actually thought I was the lightbulb from Kmart they had back in the day. My mom said it was probably me disconnecting from reality as a result of trauma from frequent hospital stays, but I think it might be something entirely different. As I have said before, it’s not a constant thing, it happens every once in a while, but when it happens it comes on thick. I also struggle with derealization and identity problems, sometimes I don’t know who I am or where I’ve come from.
what’s even more abnormal is the fact it began when I was seven years old. that’s just strange. it was a very rough time for me and had an impact later.
I had at least 30 different identities during that time. Sometimes I was a lightbulb, other times Satan, other times Jesus, other times the antichrist. My mom would actually cry and say “but your not those people”, and I would say “but I think I am”, then she would cry harder and I’d say “okay, I’m not” (but I still believed I was, I just said that to not worry her).
@ZmaGal yes I definitely know I need help. its up and down like I said. its not consistent.