It’s kind of hard to explain, but your head was filled with noise and you couldn’t have a rational thought or concentrate on anything because there was so much in your brain that you were preoccupied with? In your head it felt like pure chaos, where you consumed by it?
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I slid into delusions and that ran my life. I could still come across as being intelligent but also highly psychotic.
When I was psychotic my mind raced like a runaway train. And yes, I had some cognitive problems while I was psychotic.
Can I ask what kind of cognitive problems?
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I was having memory problems. As a matter of fact I thought I was being poisoned and it was damaging my mind.
That’s interesting, because my memories have been affected as well. Did you ever experience where it seemed your life prior to being psychotic didn’t really happen, like it was fuzzy? Hard to explain
No, I don’t think so.
Or maybe more it was painful to think about the memories when you were actively psychotic because psychotic is no fun. Something more like that?
I dunno, I was all over the place. I had many different delusions over the course of my illness so it’s sometimes hard to remember specifics about my frame of mind.
You have a lot of questions, huh? 
Schizophrenia is very individual, and not two experiences are alike.
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Oh yes. My mind was racing. Voices, delusions. I thought I was the devil and everyone wanted me dead etc. Thought some people could read my mind, communicate with dead people, as well as living …
It was one big psychotic episode. Crazy part is I remember most of it. And this was 12 years ago. But my short term memory since being on meds has gotten pretty bad.
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Ya, just wondering if anyone can relate
Well yes, I can relate
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Can I ask if your memory was affected? Like your life before psychosis seemed blurry or like it hadn’t happened? Oh, and would you ever wake up panicked stricken cause of all that was going on in your head?
If it’s ok to ask, how can you relate? How did you experience it?
When I have psychosis, my thoughts are too fast and loud. It’s like someone put a washing machine in my head and it’s doing a rapid spin cycle.
I can’t think, can’t focus, can’t really get any thoughts out
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Hmmm to be honest I remember most stuff but yes some stuff is blurry. Like people I met and spoke to that I never remembered now etc
No one could tell I was schizophrenic for years. At the beginning I was delusional as hell. But if anyone talked to me I always had a part of me that was reasonable and knew what was happening and made perfect sense. Actually, when I was 19 and just diagnosed and living in a group home with 6 or 7 other clients a counselor knocked on my bedroom door during a night of chaos in the house and told me in a conspiriotuol tone, “You and I are the only sane ones here.” I took it in stride and didn’t think about it much.” Ironically, I thought that particular counselor was off her rocker.
I was going through extremely weird sh*t the entire year I was there. Just crazy thoughts and perceptions. But I used to walk downtown almost every day and go in shops or catch the bus to my parents house. And they would take me out to dinner or to play tennis or to coffee shops. I just looked normal and I didn’t act out or say crazy things.
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