Schizophrenia.com

How good/bad is your memory?


#1

I’ve heard some people in my SZ group say that they can vividly remember their psychotic/ crisis episodes. I usually can’t. Little flashes of reality might knit in with the hallucinations. But I get told about stuff in hind sight. At first I thought my family was using these stories to manipulate me into doing what they wanted me to do, such as taking meds and going to therapy. But when I saw the physical effects or sometimes years later the incident came to the surface again, I had to begin to trust my family a little more.

I journal a lot of stuff as fast as I can then later try to piece together the reality through the psychosis. I feel I’m getting better at that. But it’s still work to put it all together.

I’m lucky about one aspect… Sometime I think I’ve done horrid acts of violence. I hate myself for that. Then later I’m told and I can also see that I haven’t hurt anyone and everyone around me is still safe and unbroken.


#2

My memory is the one thing that survived schizophrenia. I can remember my psychotic episodes very well. Unfortunately. Sometimes, I’d rather not know or remember what happened. But it’s crystal clear.

After a certain point, remembering too much about the past becomes detrimental to the present and future. So I have to try to block out some of it.

Blessings,

Anthony


#3

I don’t know which is worse. Remembering vividly or not remembering at all. Either one is no fun.


#4

@SurprisedJ My memory is horrendous. It’s been getting worse over the years.
I only vaguely remember little snippets of the episodes where I’ve been psychotic. Like you have said, I don’t know what’s worse, remembering it all or not at all.


#5

I have more of a problem with my short term memory. I also have a hard time remembering WHEN things happened, like my memory is playing tricks on me.


#6

In my opinion if the psychotic episode was a blast of anger then I don’t think anyone would remember what they do in anger even normal people, if it was only paranoia then only the important parts I do remember, if it was a mix of confusion and paranoia then I remember exactly and vividly what happened…When it was full and continuous psychosis like when I was a kid at 14; I don’t remember anything except three moments of a whole year, I lost total memory of that year and a lot of important events had happened, I simply wasn’t there some how… physically there but consciously absent.


#7

My memories all mixed up. It’s like my mind plays tricks on me and lets me remember what it wants me too. My short term is not so great, but my long term is really good. I remember my psychosis episodes all too well.


#8

I remember my episodes more than anything else. I guess because they are all so strange and memorable or just that my life has been consumed by them so much.


#9

I vividly recall some psychosis but it’s generally not even close to what other people witnessed. I often thought people were liars trying to frame me, but I accept now that my reality isn’ correct often. I’ve wondered about others myself. It really makes it a mess for me to talk history. Lucid time periods, I am right on. Psychotic periods I am not.

There’s actually one specific time period when I was homeless…which is factual that I was on the streets, but my experiences were probably not even real. It’s in my records too that I spent two weeks at a VA hospital at one town I traveled to. I have no memory of ever being to that VA.


#10

A suggestion I’d give people unsure of memories is f they have anyone they trust who may have been around at the time…casually ask them if they recall anything of note from the time period. This is sometimes how I can tip myself off that a belief I have may be a little off.


#11

Some of the episodes, I’ve sort of “come out of them” in the middle and have wondered what in the world is going on here? Other times I do have to go to a trusted friend and sort of ask, “What was happening?”

I also have a lot of false memories. That makes me a little sad. I do have one memory of a really nice day with one of my brothers, but I hallucinated the whole thing. It was the day the never happened.


#12

i remember bits and pieces, specific things…i remember most of it…i dont find it to be a bad memory, they were interesting thoughts i had…


#13

My short term memory is significantly worse than my long term.


#14

I remember most of my episodes, but voices I forget the next day. It’s like they taunt me to no end but it has happened so often I can’t recall yesterday. Even if I’m having a good day today. Short term memory lapse I guess.


#15

I may be the odd one out here, but my life’s events, from the mundane to the bizzare, seem to be recorded permanently and able to be retrieved like a book at the library.
The things I can remember, it’s almost like time travel back to the event that plays itself over verbatum, and like the peacock-in living color.
Sometimes it’s the smell, a word, sound, touch or lighting that brings it back in full.
I can even recal vividly my deja vous from childhood.
All 5 senses engraved somewhere in my head.


#16

my memory likes to play tricks on me, like when I was little I remembered vividly that I was forced to hold a ladybug and I used to be afraid of them. But my dad told me that it wasn’t like that at all, that it had been HIM who had held the ladybug.


#17

my memory sucks normally but i think since psychosis it has gotten worse…


#18

my memory sucks too. I was trying to look people up on facebook just to see what they are doing and the vast majority of people i can’t remember their last name and barely remember their first name!


#19

My memoriy is poor as well , i always get some flashback from past memories but i am not sure if its false memories or it had truly happened.


#20

I remember fragments of what happened when I had my major episode. I can’t remember ppl I met, like the social workers. My memory was badly out of order. I forgot how to cook, how to launder, how to pay my bills. I forgot everything, I was like a child. I had to learn everything again.