I’ve heard some people in my SZ group say that they can vividly remember their psychotic/ crisis episodes. I usually can’t. Little flashes of reality might knit in with the hallucinations. But I get told about stuff in hind sight. At first I thought my family was using these stories to manipulate me into doing what they wanted me to do, such as taking meds and going to therapy. But when I saw the physical effects or sometimes years later the incident came to the surface again, I had to begin to trust my family a little more.
I journal a lot of stuff as fast as I can then later try to piece together the reality through the psychosis. I feel I’m getting better at that. But it’s still work to put it all together.
I’m lucky about one aspect… Sometime I think I’ve done horrid acts of violence. I hate myself for that. Then later I’m told and I can also see that I haven’t hurt anyone and everyone around me is still safe and unbroken.