When you try to be a better person but you don't succeed

[anon8411913]

I won’t lie. I never did anything really bad.

But as a person… I am very irritable, categorical, sometimes angry and rude for no reason.

Many years I do try to be a better one.
But most of the times is not succesful. Also, I don’t know how to keep a secret and overall, I talk to much about myself. And my opinion sometimes sucks. I feel I am not the best person, literally.

Like… there were several years just after psychosis, when I felt fear and worried on stupid things I did during psychosis, and because of this post-pscyhosis anxiety I had lots of motivation and I somehow suceeded to be a better person for a longer time.

But then again, I started relaxing. And thinking about psychosis a bit less.
What I noticed… that I say most of the ugly things, because I lack empathy (in certain way). I am emphatic, just sometimes it seems people don’t care about me, so they also don’t care if I am rude to them? That’s what I think during arguments.
most of the time I don’t intend to hurt someone, I just feel like it won’t have consequences or a person trully won’t be hurt after my words. IDK if that makes any sense

Who is on the same road and tries to be a better one?

[Frenzy]

Simplify yourself and exaggerate your best features be a cartoon don’t take me seriously I m goofing

[anon8411913]

okay I’ll be a cartoon

[anon67051439]

I used to be an angry person easily triggered but time healed me.

[Anna1]

HI!
Oh well, am the same… Me too i was very careful to never do bad things, i probably didnt do them, but since decades, i boil from irritability, anger, even hate, about myself too, i was even diagnosed once with bpd…
I even didnt talk for years either, so i tried to never show that or act on it, but keeping it in me, just makes me feel in pain and i probably look cold and uninterested on the outside…
Well, we’ve probably been in hell though, so its not really our fault… But lately i try to fix that, just with pushing on the love, praying, i also cry now a lot about my behavior tbh… But i couldnt even cry before, which is a worse state…
Dont feel bad about that, you are not alone too, neither a bad person… I think, that this illness is like this a bit too…
I hope, that Aziz is right, that with time it can pass, but we should seek positive emotions for that…
For the rest, i wonder if there are meds to fix that too, personnally ive tried them all and my anger and the fear were always in me… Its just now, that i try to open my eyes and heart now more, i have more progress than ever… But i still carry every day some of that stuff, that you’ve mentioned, but now i hope that it’ll pass…
One classic writer said, that the hell is, when you cant love anymore, but dont blame yourself for that… Tbh, we also probably gave a lot in other times and i sometimes now am just disappointed, but its still only my problem, cause we shouldnt live with regrets, life is beautiful too, the others can be amazing too lol…
Well, take care, me i stopped talking about these negative feelings of mine here, but i feel alone on this too, but maybe these feelings are quite common too, we’ve been in hell i think too, yeap…
The guilt can be a symptom too, just know that.
Gosh, i hope, that we’ll get above that too now. Hugs

[anon8411913]

Huugs to you too! sad we’re going through something which is sometimes hard to control…

You’re doing great ^^

[devra]

On a real road​:wink:

[ZombiePupper]

I struggle with this kind of issue except it’s with drugs in particular. I can’t seem to stop myself for very long even when I try. And there are plenty of times I give up sometimes.

[anon8411913]

Sorry to hear that. Maybe some external help in your situation would be helpful?

I’ve had weed problem and some people words, helping hand was the best help

And a month in a hospital, because probaby my blood became cleaner and I wanted weed way less.