when self means nothing and its all about them not me, what i can do for them and what they have done for me, (or what he has done for me) through others
i’m still learning but i think it is better to think of others rather than ourselves.
is this another approach from a psychological viewpoint?
The truth never lies in extremes. You need a balance between your needs and the needs of others. Between only thinking about yourself and only thinking about others.
We can talk on this - it is more philosophical - but i dont know if you will be able to take it. I need to be in personal touch with you - which is not there.
Read a lot of what @notmoses has written. Are you on Meds ?
I was only thinking about everyone else. Made me stressed out and I got psychotic. Now I try to have balance. Time for myself and time for family.
Up to a point. You don’t want people using you to excess or to become their doormat, as it were. You need to take care of you, too.
Pixel.
I work with special needs kids. It’s perfect because it makes me focus on them, not myself, each day. (I take a sick day on days that I can’t muster the energy) I find that the weekends, when I have more time to think about myself, can be difficult. But it is a balancing act, and it is important to not obsess or lose myself to either.
Some old school psychologists in the history of psychology said that we should become selves to others and not to ourselves, much in line with eastern philosophy/religion (Buddhism, Hinduism, Shintoism).
These pioneers were notable, yet they were examples of philosophy engulfing psychology.
Modern psychology does well to validate our experiences as we are, see Carl Rogers’ unconditional positive regard (client or person-centered therapy) and dialectical behavior therapy (often used with clients with borderline personality, has a strong emphasis on the validity of what the client feels); those are just a couple examples I have seen a lot in my studies.
To answer your question, it’s more of a philosophical than psychological construct to lose your sense of self (ego) and to only live through others. Psychologists these days steer people in the direction of not “throwing themselves away” or “handing their life over” to others because it is a fringe movement and has its cons and pros just like everything else. In the U.S. it is generally not smiled upon. Now whether that is good or bad is controversial in and of itself.
That’s basically mixing eastern religion with clinical psychology, which I think is a bit nuts because science and religion are like oil and water. They don’t really mix. They just don’t.
The basic red flag is that you want to get rid of yourself, which psychology does not think is okay, in aggregate no it’s not okay.
not getting rid of my ‘self’ just minimising it and putting others first, thinking of others,
putting their needs first.
yes
Putting others before yourself will make it very difficult to care for yourself, and ultimately it will be a detriment to the well-being of all those others you seek to help. Even if complete altruism is something you decide to seek, you still need to incorporate yourself into that plan. But in my opinion complete altruism is not something you should seek. You are a person and you’re just as important as other people, but you are in the unique position of being you, and are better able than anyone else to help yourself, and therefore some egotism is appropriate and, in fact, good.
Considering the direction this thread has gone, I just want to mention the concepts of pathological co-dependence and counter-dependence vs. healthy inter-dependence. (“Too much of a good thing may be as bad as too little.” & one may need to get out of the paradigm altogether.)
cc: @asgoodasitgets @everhopeful @zenmonk @Comatose @shutterbug @Hedgehog @mortimermouse @anon9798425
Drop a stone into a still pond… the ripples of change emanate from a starting point.
I think you need to start from the center and work your way out…
First take care of yourself… Then your family
Then your community.
I have to take care of myself first… not at the expense of others… but with others.
You know the old saying… you can’t truly be kind to others until you can be kind to yourself.
An Ultra Dualistic Experience ( self vs others, others vs self) = Paranoid Consciouses
A Dualistic Experience (the Self and the Other) = Ordinary Consciousness
A Unitive Experience (Undifferentiated and Undefined Being) = Enlightened Consciouses
I strive for “Unitive Experiences” and an “Enlightened Consciousness”.
i dont understand
we are all like drops in a pond if you think about it, our ripples are like the passage of time.
This article does a good job https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/enlightened-living/200904/understanding-the-continuum-relationship-style
http://psychcentral.com/library/id63.html This one is great too