I developed gender dysphoria at puberty and it has persisted
At one point I was dxed with sz and disorder of gender identity. I was very persistent. It was made clear that having sz meant the chances of having SRS were very slim at best. I was not very insightful about myself and how that would impact on things. Over time I realised that the desire might be there, but having SRS wouldn’t change my social inadequacies. Given my difficulties I’d struggle to live successfully as a woman.
I also wasn’t brave enough when push came to shove to deal with the harsh words and negativity of other people,especially my parents. My mother even wanted me locked up in a secure unit because of it! That was during an inpatient stay when I was,admittedly, dressed very badly as a woman.
I definitely feel like I had this to some degree and helped form my “critical” view on the subject.
I remember thinking I had more of a “feminine soul” after trying to read about Carl Jung. Very glad it faded away and I wasn’t fixated on it by the time I got to see a psychiatrist.
For me it was about insecurity of being slightly GNC in some regards (which most people are in some aspects). It took a while but I learnt to accept myself eventually.