I feel down today. I had therapy and the topic of recovering from this illness came up and I felt disheartened. She asked me what value I’d like to be on a scale from 0-100 in terms of where I want to be.
And I realised then that I’ll never be 100 again and that made me feel terrible. I feel heavy from the burden I carry with all these negative symptoms and somewhat positive ones like visualisations and mild paranoia.
Just venting
Recovery is not a straight line , its very up and down. The goal is to trend upwards over the longterm. Thats how it seems for me anyway.
Keep on truckin
Sometimes not sliding backwards is all you can hope for. Every so often you’ll have a recovery breakthrough and find something that makes you feel better.
But if you don’t play the recovery game, you’ll just slide backwards.
Recovery often comes in such small increments that you don’t notice it’s happening while it’s happening. You may be doing better now then you were a year or two ago or a year ago.
You may never fully recovery but you can make goals and aim for a better recovery than you have now.
Thanks guys, I guess I’m still waiting to feel better in terms of lack of joy really.
I feel a bit better compared to when I came back from the hospital in 2023. I’m more used to how things are. I can talk to people fairly okay now. My anhedonia comes and goes now too. Right now I can enjoy music again.
But what exactly is 100??? I mean, literally everyone has problems so literally no one is at 100. It’s not actually attainable by anyone.
Maybe not 100 in the sense of I don’t have problems. But 100 in the way that I feel fine, have a normal regulation of both positive and negative feelings in a healthy way, I’m motivated to do stuff for myself. And whatever comes my way, I can handle it.
I hope you get to that place. Just know that lots of people who don’t have mental illness struggle with being able to handle whatever comes their way
If I recovered I don’t know. But I do notice I have gained confidence and am developing some type of ego over this diagnosis.
