That’s right, what is suicidal ideation? I thought that through no little effort I’d learnt everything there was to know about feeling suicidal. And yet I feel completely baffled. The best I could do is describe my feelings as “wanting this horrible day to end”, only writ large. I want my life to end, for it is no longer my life. I don’t identify with my former self, and indeed, my current self is nothing more than a floating signifier awaiting redemption. How serious does suicidal ideation need to be before telling the doc about it? I’m still here, so I guess I’m not the suicidal type, only, everyone who ever committed suicide started thinking like that. I don’t think I’ll hurt myself, my sense of guilt towards my family is too strong, maybe I’m just being histrionic or something. Abilify is partly to blame, after 2 months my negative symptoms remain severe, plus anxiety and restlessness. Don’t know what to do.
Any suicidal ideation is a reason to call the doctor. Everyone starts out thinking they won’t actually go through with it. But bad times happen, and low moods happen, and suddenly rational thought is gone and people are just left with desperation and impulsivity. Please don’t let it progress to that point. Get help before you’re critical.
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As some one who has been in a suicidal spell in March 2019, I an say it as passive as just not wanting to be here or I just won’t stop anything if that anything contributes to ending my life.
Gotta tell a doc about all this is what I want to say. And therapist.
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