Just becomes worse 
Is it stress alone the cause of altering reality? Or something else too ?
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I am not in any type of stress.
But my brain tries to process an information.
I am losing it.
Which delusion?
I am getting the feeling of being under external control, but I am trying to fight these thought processes. So, 2 minutes, I think it is my brain, next 2 minutes, something external.
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Grandiose
What’s the processes I did not get you .
Of being under external control.
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Like I impulsively feel something foreign is controlling me, and then, I try to rationalize that it is probably some reaction in my brain.
Ok got you. That must be difficult to comprehend
It is. This happens under panic attacks these days. Heart rate goes up, there is a lot of fear, sometimes the voices command me to do things, etc.
They usually last for 1-7 hours, so I don’t know when the heart palpitations will stop.
Good you noticed it as something wrong or imbalance chemical in the brain.
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I think there is definitely something wrong.
I think I never had heart palpitations.
When I feel uneasy I always drink lemon water with salt and chilli. Not very strong though just lite mix.
I get relieved for few minutes.
Yeah, I have tried every medication for anxiety. The only option is to go back to the benzos, and I don’t really want to do that.
Do let you pdoc know I think I used to do relaxation techniques excercise but now a days I feel shortage of breath.
So that option also is not a good idea.
Do you know what triggers you anxiety?
I think these panic attacks happen in anxious moments sometimes, and sometimes happen just like that. Like you are under no stress and this happens.
I have tried breathing exercises during these phases, but like meditation, they aggravate the voices.
I just have to try to distract myself with something until the phase passes.
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How about sleep ? Does that help ?
I am symptom free outside of these phases you know, but these periods are very strange and tough for me. I think it is related to benzo withdrawal.
Well, if I were to sleep right now, the voices will overwhelm me. So, I am distracting myself with writing here. thinking about what else I can do.
what are your delusions like?
Same old ones I am the supreme and great. I know all.
What ever I think it’s right.
What ever I say it’s right.
Omg I just realised what I said all these years are lots and lots of crap with no proof or evidence
But still I feel wicked I said it all on purpose.
Or I am just lost and typing out what ever is in my head.
But to tell the truth I should know what’s false. And vice versa.
Complicated brain and I am so sure everything is rightly said at the right time. Hopefully people don’t find me in real and give their piece of mind to me 
To be honest, I used to have grandoise delusions as well. That I had 17 Nobel prizes and stuff. Most of my illness has been neutralized, except this last part of panic attacks.