i could only go out for very short periods of time and i would be always rushing about trying to get back home
but then i was put on the right medication and the right dose and i started to improve and started to extend the period of time that i could tolerate things.
like before the new med i would only be able to do little things and it would be very stressful and i would always be in a rush, like i was out of my comfort zone,
after the new med i guess my comfort zone changed or got bigger, i could tolerate more and more things,
it took a while to build it up until what i am at just now tho but it is really worth it,
i guess it was a lot to do with being less paranoid and afraid, i wasnt thinking the worst was going to happen anymore and that was a good thing (a breakthrough) imo.
so what can you tolerate? how long can you stay out?
what is your comfort zone?
I have somewhat forced myself to be social. Not completely social, but more than just sitting at home. I’m a scoutleader for my son’s scout group since august. I have made new friends there, we have a meeting every week and the kids love it. They learn a lot there, not just making up fire and cook outdoors, they learn respect for others and nature. The kids are 8-9 years old. But when I got a bit foggy in my head a month ago, I took a little break from scouting.
I need time to reload my energy when I’ve been out. Time alone, without kids or husband. Just be for myself. I don’t think I would make it very far without meds.
I can tolerate very little outside time. After about an hour, I start to feel over stimulated. Then I get anxious and paranoid. If there are a lot of people around, I’m lucky if I can make it 10 minutes.
As far as activities, I’m not much better. I get stressed over having a list of chores to do. I get confused and end up just shutting down. Negative symptoms definitely play a role here.
So, in my present condition, I’ve learned to keep things as simple and brief as possible. And to keep my expectations very low for outside time and activities. I find that, the lower my expectations, the better I perform.
It sounds like you’re doing very well on your new meds! I’m happy for you.
I am so much better being outside then inside. If I’m somewhere and I can feel the head circus gearing up, I need to get outside. I might be a little more panicky, but I feel better being able to pace in a circle and catch my breath out in a park. No one inside has to deal with my personal earthquake or my manic babbling. No one notices me in a park. I feel trapped if this starts happening inside. Even at home I tend to grab the kid sis and run outside. But then, considering she and I were in a house fire when she was 3 and I was 14. I understand where it comes from.
I can handle small quiet restaurants and café’s as long as my back is to the wall. Loud sport bar type places are a big No No for me. I can NOT handle people behind me.
I can be Ok in bookshops and libraries. Places with calm energy.
I agree with Radmedtech about the lower expectations. The family has been very supportive about my ability to stay somewhere. If I can only take 15 minutes… I can only take 15 minutes and, no one gets upset by that. It makes me more likely to go, knowing that I’m not hurting anyone’s feelings if I have to cut out early. I’m getting better about being somewhere for 10-15, leaving, sitting in my car for a moment and then going back in for another 10 and so on.
My tolerance has been decreasing over the past few weeks. I’m even picking fights with those closest to me. I don’t know how my family put up with me sometimes.
When I’m out and about, I love little coffee shops where I can get lost in my ebook or the newspaper. But lots of people and crowds are just horrible. I get so agitated and annoyed.
I have to return to the peace and quiet of indoors.
I hated it when I used to do that. I have no idea where that anger would come from. Recalling those fights was always so painful. I wonder “Why is my head doing this? How do I make this stop?”
It really upsets me. I’m obviously not optimally medicated, as someone it’s just the littliest things that set me off. I rapidly cycle between manic and depressed, and with the paranoia and delusions, this doesn’t make a nice person to be around.
I’m so grateful to have my family close to me right now.
Keeping the family close. That was the only way I got through it. What did help was, I used to write a lot of letters of apology when I calmed down and let them know in a letter that even though my head is swimming I don’t know why I’m swinging so much, I’m still in here and I still love them.
I’d like to think that’s why they stuck it out with me.