11 years then the last four

I’ve been on the same cocktail of drugs for four years now. It took eleven years to find. Life has been getting steadily better since. Most notably, I can keep more than one ball in the air at a time. My stress tolerance still sucks, which is likely something that only more time around people will fix. I still grapple to understand where I fit into society – it’s too easily influenced by which women smile at me. I haven’t known anyone I could truly call a friend except online since getting diagnosed. I hate being shy. Medication has done about all it can for me. The rest is up to me, and though I hide it even from myself, I feel fearful and exhausted. There’s simply no time for it though. Life is so unsatisfactory that I don’t want to participate in it. No one understands but you folks , , , and even we keep to ourselves for fear of each other. Maybe things are a bit better than they seem and it’s are dreams and goals from before our breaks that keep us from seeing it. But doesn’t everyone mourn the loss of what might have been? They just have more to take solace in. The difference probably lies in the fact that almost every last thing is harder for us. What’s their excuse, right? “No, you don’t understand. My excuse for not doing more with life is actually more valid than yours.” :slight_smile: And so on and so forth.

I would like to go to the zoo more often and adopt an ocelot, see museums with other people instead of on my own, but I think everyone wants to do things and then doesn’t do them.

I find talking to people IRL is stressful, so not sure about that for me, but if you can talk to them lots and it reduces stress then absolutely do that more!

are you mocking me?

not intentionally, sorry if that’s how I came across

I think my mood is too whimsical today

maybe I will go and lie down

don’t sweat it. i get paranoid sometimes.

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Glad to hear that you’re stable and in fact improving. That’s great news.


oh, don’t misunderstand. i’m not getting better, but life is. slowly. but i choose the pace, i guess.